गूँज

कुछ अलग ही रंग दिखे थे मुझे,

उस किताब के पन्नों की अठखेलियों में,

जैसे मासूम बचपन रूठ जाता है,

पर अलग ना हो पाए अस्तित्व से,

वो सुबह का कुहासा मानो एक रास्ता था,

मुझे उस अनजाने शहर में ले जाने का,

पर वो अनजाना  कहाँ  वो तो अपना ही था,

ज़िन्दगी जैसे  पहली बार हाथ थामकर चली हो,

जब फूलों का शाखों पर होना भी हो,

पर मौसम गुजरने पर शाखें खाली भी हों,

जैसे बारिश की वही बूँदें भिगा गईं हों,

जो मेरे होने का एहसास दिलाएँ मुझे,

जैसे बौछार में शीशम के पत्ते रोकते हों,

उन टपकती बूँदों के सैलाब को,

पर मैं चलती रही, वो टपकती रहीं,

और बियाबाँ में गीली मिट्टी और लकड़ी की खुशबू,

जैसे किसी कोने में मेरी छिपी हुई गहराइयाँ,

मुझे कभी दिखती नहीं पर महकती रहती हैं,

वो बर्फ़ का जमना और पिघलना,

जैसे मेरी कहानियाँ बर्फ़ में घुल गईं हों,

वो कहीं दूर क्षितिज था पर करीब लगा,

जैसे एक हाथ बढाकर मुझे मिल जायेगा,

रात की ख़ामोशी में दूर किसी का सुर,

जैसे मेरे मन के अनसुने राग हों,

और उस ठिठुरन में अपने होने का एहसास,

जाने कहाँ से मुझे खुद में समाते हुए,

वो वादियाँ , वो दरख़्त, वो काफ़िले,

वो  बस सुकून में अपने से लगे मुझे,

उस चिनार  के पेड़ का हवा से लड़ना,

वो गूँज अब भी सुनाई देती है मुझे,

कहीं से वो मुझ जैसे हैं सभी,

तिनकों और मौसमों को पिरोते हुए,

मैं हूँ और वो वादियाँ हैं,

                       दूर ही सही आदतों से बँधे हुए...                     

मेरे शहर की ख़ुशबू

पर यह  मेरे शहर के बारे में नहीं है, उसके बारे में तो पहले ही मैंने बहुत कुछ लिखा है.  यह तो हर उस शहर के बारे में है जिसे हम सब कभी न कभी छोड़कर पंछियों की तरह अपना बसेरा कहीं और बसाने चले गए. चले तो गए पर क्या हमने सचमुच अपना शहर छोड़ा. हम में से कुछ को शायद कई साल हो गए होंगे उस शहर को देखे हुए और कुछ एक ऐसा पल ढूँढ रहे हैं जब सुकून से अपने शहर को देखें. कहीं गया ही नहीं वो हमारे अस्तित्व से. ग़ौर से सोचने पर आज यूँ ही याद आया कि मैं तो उसे अपने आस पास जी रही हूँ, शायद मुझे लगा ही नहीं कि मैं वहाँ से दूर कोई और बन चुकी हूँ. मैं तो अब भी वही हूँ, शायद इसीलिए इतनी दूर किसी और शहर में भी मुझे अपने शहर की परछाई दिखती है कभी कभी.                                                   

                                                 

आज सवेरे जब मैं उगते सूरज को देखने के लिए बाहर निकली, तो कहीं दूर से एक मधुर गूँज कानों में पड़ी. बरबस ही मुझे अपने शहर की ओर खींच ले गयी वह गूँज. मुझे आज भी याद है जब स्कूल के लिए जल्दी उठना होता था, और माँ जाने कितनी बार पुकारकर हार जाती थीं, तब ना  जाने कहाँ से किसी मंदिर में बजते भजन, कोई अखंड रामायण की गूँज या किसी मस्जिद की अज़ान से मेरी नींद गायब हो जाती थी. सिहरन वाली ठण्ड में जब मैं बाहर निकलती थी तब कुहासे में भी नरमी होती थी, कहीं से शायद किसी हवन कुण्ड का धुआँ गर्मी ला देता था, उस धुँए में भी एक अलग सी सुगंध थी, जो मानो अंतर्मन को पवित्र कर देती थी. सड़क के किनारे लगे पेड़ फूलों की खुशबू से मन को प्रफुल्लित कर देते थे और उस सुबह के सन्नाटे में भी कहीं कोई  सड़क साफ़ करते हुए दिख ही जाता था. आज जब भागती हुई गाड़ियों के बीच खुद को यहाँ की सड़कों पर पाती हूँ, तो वो सुकून वाली सुबह याद आ जाती है.           

                          

परीकथाओं की तरह लगता है अब वो समय जब शाम को दोस्तों के साथ किस्से कहानियाँ सुनते सुनाते ही हम ना जाने कितने देश घूम आते थे और खुद को झाँसी की रानी से कम  नहीं समझते थे. किसी पेड़ पर चढ़ना, कहीं रूठना मनाना, पर बस उस दुनिया के आगे कोई चिंता ना थी, सब कुछ पास ही तो था. सोचती हूँ अगर वो पेड़ इन्सान होता, तो शायद वो भी मुझे याद करता. अब कौन उसकी छाया में बैठकर अनगिनत संसार बनाता होगा. या क्या पता मेरी तरह कोई और अपने अंतर्मन में झाँकने वहाँ  जाता होगा. यहाँ कभी लोगों को मैं जब साथ में त्योहार मनाते देखती हूँ, तो याद आता है कैसे होली, दशहरे, नवरात्रि , दीवाली , क्रिसमस सब पड़ोसियों के साथ ही पूरे होते थे. और हमारे लिए तो छुट्टियों का समय स्वर्ग से कम  ना होता था.

                                                 

                                             

यहाँ जब शाम को घर आती हूँ, तब भूल नहीं पाती कैसे मेरी शामें नदी किनारे बस शान्त मन से लोगों को देखते हुए, उस सुरमयी वातावरण को ग्रहण करते हुए, किसी सड़क पर घूमते हुए, किसी मित्र से ज़िन्दगी के फलसफे कहते हुए, या बस किसी चाट वाले के ठेले पर सब से ऐसे मिलते हुए निकलती थीं जैसे कई साल हो गए हों मिले हुए, और अब तो सचमुच ना जाने कितने साल हो गए लगता है. वहाँ की हवा अब भी मानो छूते हुए गुज़रती है मुझे. उन किनारों पर, उन सड़कों पर जाने अब कौन चलता होगा. यहाँ तो शामें बंद कमरे में, किसी अनजान सड़क पर या किसी भीड़ भाड़ वाले चकाचौंध करते हुए मॉल में गुज़र जाती हैं, अनजाने चेहरों के बीच में.

      

माँ छुट्टियों में नानी, दादी, मौसी, बुआ के घर लेकर जाती थीं अब याद आता है, जब छुट्टियों का अर्थ होता है, बस अपने घर पहुँच जाऊँ एक बार फ़िर. जाने कितने अरसे हो गए वो सारे शहर भी तो मुझे याद करते होंगे ना. यहाँ  की छुट्टियाँ  तो बस अपनी ज़िन्दगी में सुकून के दो पल ढूंढने में निकल जाती हैं. मेरे कॉलेज के रास्ते पर अब जाने कौन गाड़ी भगाता होगा. जाने कौन कहता होगा "चल यार, कल मिलते हैं ". कल तो आता ही नहीं अब. हम शायद बड़े हो गए, और पीछे मुड़कर यादें ही तो हैं बस टोकरी में, जिन्हें  कभी टटोलकर ले आते हैं.                                           

रातों को जब अक्सर जागती हूँ, तो याद आता है, एक वो शहर है मेरा अपना, जहाँ  मासूमियत में कई सपने बुने थे, कुछ पीछे छूट गए, कुछ अधूरे रह गए, कुछ टूट गए, कुछ पूरे हो गए, अबोध मन के सपने. पर मेरे शहर की खुशबू तो साँसों में है, वही तो मुझे बनाये रखती है, मुझे एहसास देती है मेरे होने का, चाहे मैं कहीं भी रहूँ. आखिर ये शहर भी तो किसी का होगा, जो इसे छोड़कर गया होगा, तभी ये मुझे हर बात में मेरे शहर की याद दिलाता है. 

                                         

    

इफ़्तिताह - ए - सफ़र

Note: Please refer to the Glossary below these lines for Urdu vocabulary. 

गर्त नहीं है मेरा हमसाया मैं तो यहीं हूँ,         

दुआओं की बालीदगी और पासबाँ  बनकर,                                

तूफ़ान निकले कई मेरी तलवार आब-दार बनाकर,   

मैं तो अब भी क़ासिद-ए-सबा, तालिब-ए-उन्स हूँ,     

मुख्तलिब लगी तो मुझे रक़ीब समझ लिया,

रिवायत-ए-ज़माना यही कहता आया है,                                          

एहतेसाब का आफ़्ताब मैंने आफरीन ही किया ,

एहतेराम तो उनका भी और इस ताक़ूब  का भी किया,

नज़र तो अब भी आती है खलिश दुनिया में,

अपनी ही गफलत से परेशान चर्ब - ज़बान लोग,

पादाश की आग में जलते नादिम शख़्स,

जाने कितनी एहतियाज-ए -इफावह  है उन्हें,

जो अँधेरे में नूर देखना वाज़िब ना  समझें,

वो नूर-ए- एजाज़ ढूंढने मैं एक मुसलसल फ़िराक में हूँ,

अमन का एहतेजाज में नहीं ख़ामोशी के रक़्स से रूबरू होने,

ख़ाक में मिले बाहम हो जाते हैं राहत-अफ़्ज़ा बनकर,

ताख़ीर भी हो पर वो आबिद-ए-फ़लक हर रूह के साज़-गार हैं,

जो इफ्शा-ए-सबाह यहाँ मक़बूल बनाकर रहते हैं,

जब एक भी ऐसा राज़दान ना  दिखा यहाँ ,

चश्म-ए -फ़ाख़िर का माद्दा रूह में लिए निकली मैं,

दफ़्न हैं कुछ क़िस्से हाफ़िज़ाह, कुछ इब्तिला बनकर,

मुझे याद हैं वो अख़लाक़ -ए-फ़ाज़िल मेरे बाँकपन के लिए,

जब मैं इस जहाँ की ख़ाक  में सिफर बनकर मिल जाऊँ कभी,

मेरा सफ़र  रहेगा इबारत बनकर कि  मैं एक आबशार रहूँगी,

मौतजा-ए-ख्वाबीदा को जीने के लिए मयस्सर रही,

कैसे मैं अपना तारुफ़ करवाऊँ , मैं तो तूफानों में भी बदस्तूर रही,

वो बेख्वाबी के आलम में ख़ुद से मसरूफ़ होकर ताबीर करने के लिए.

Glossary(as per the above context):

 इफ्तिताह= Honour,

 बालीदगी= Growth,

पासबाँ= Protector,

आब-दार= Polished,

क़ासिद-ए-सबा=Messenger of morning,

तालिब-ए-उन्स= Seeker of love,

मुख्तलिब= Different,

रक़ीब= Rival,

रिवायत= Tradition,

एहतेसाब= Criticism,

आफ़्ताब= Listen/Hear,

आफरीन= Appreciation,

एहतेराम= Respect,

ताक़ूब= Pursuit,

खलिश= Anxiety,

गफलत= Guilt,

चर्ब - ज़बान= Sharp-tongued(here),

पादाश= Revenge,

नादिम= Ashamed,

एहतियाज-ए -इफावह = Necessity for Healing,

नूर= Radiance,

वाज़िब= Justified,

नूर-ए- एजाज़= Miracle of Light,

मुसलसल= Constant,

फ़िराक= Intention,

एहतेजाज= Argument,

रक़्स= Celebration,

बाहम= Together,

राहत-अफ़्ज़ा= Adding to comfort,

ताख़ीर= Delay,

आबिद-ए-फ़लक= Devotees of the sky,

साज़-गार= Favourite,

इफ्शा-ए-सबाह= Disclosing secrets of the dawn,

मक़बूल= Approved,

राज़दान= Trustworthy,

चश्म-ए -फ़ाख़िर= Precious hope,

माद्दा= Substance,

हाफ़िज़ाह= Good memories,

इब्तिला= Suffering,

अख़लाक़ -ए-फ़ाज़िल= Virtue of proficiency,

बाँकपन= Smartness,

सिफर= Nothingness,

इबारत= Composition,

आबशार= Waterfall(Continuous, here),

मौतजा-ए-ख्वाबीदा= Dreams of miracle,

मयस्सर= Available,

तारुफ़= Introduction,

बदस्तूर= Unaltered,

बेख्वाबी= Insomnia,

मसरूफ़= Involved(facing, here),

ताबीर= Interpretation(introspection, here)

Redemption

****Symbolically, this story starts where "प्रतिबिम्ब" ends. There is a connection between the two but this is not a sequel to "प्रतिबिम्ब"******            

I had stepped outside to get some fresh air and the solitude I love in places crowded with unknown people. It was February, a month which I don't like much because my favourite season Winter fades away in this month. Yet, I wanted to absorb the remains of the peaceful chill for this season. The atmosphere was not at all chilled, but there remained a mysterious serenity even in the fresh Spring season that had arrived. It was soon going to be dark, and I wanted to enjoy every moment of the night falling in place. It reminded me of another night, when I had experienced an unforgettable incident in Winter. I had decided to find all the answers within myself that day.

And here I was, trying to find those answers, the questions for which seemed to haunt me inside. I wanted to know what remained, what I had to fight for and what it was that seemed to go unnoticed by me. The battle was not over, not for me. I looked around and saw people, still fighting. Some had already given up, others were not sure of how long they were going to fight. Still others were either unaware of all this, lost in this materialistic world, or too sceptical to realize that there remained a world inside them to be explored, that had to be nurtured, in order to find their paths and to follow their dreams. I had never felt strange, to contemplate upon those thoughts, but I felt that all beings had a time in their lives when they became aware of the fact that they were here to pursue a journey.

The sword in my hand lowered a little. I had not decided to give up, but the spirit inside me seemed to have become worn out. Not because of the vicious circle of events that had unsuccessfully, tried to pull me into darkness and failed to do so, but because after so long, my reasons to fight had not remained constant. I was, in the deepest of my heart, bewildered to understand what I was still fighting for.
                                             
It was the light inside me that kept me going on a path which I knew wasn't necessary to be understood in order to follow. Yet, something told me that I needed to contemplate upon an unnoticed aspect, that had to be taken along, in order to move forward. I needed to go back to a place from where I could find my reasons, I had decided, through that night which seemed to welcome a storm. Yet, I would not stop. The only thing that one needed to be afraid of was the negative energy built inside oneself. Nothing else in this world was scary, I had always believed.

The night was calm, with millions of stars twinkling in the sky, that reminded me of my quest and of my journey. Silence was the only dominant entity for me, on that road, even in a hustling crowd of people. I witnessed a turbulence around me. A hazy figure seemed to approach me on that faintly lit up road. She was a girl, probably 9 or 10 years old, dressed decently, and looked confident in her tom boy haircut. She seemed to walk in a rhythm, as if trying to dance to the beats of the crowd around her, holding a broken piece of a little plastic sword. She seemed to concentrate on the ground, and stopped in between, to look at the sky.

"Are you looking for something my dear?", I broke the silence.

She looked at me,"My little sword is broken."

"Can I help you finding the broken piece?"

She smiled and looked amused," No. I will build it again."

I felt surprised at her answer," Are you alone here?"

"You can join me if you want," she replied.

"But where are you going?"                                        

She kept smiling but did not answer me, and then started walking rhythmically again. As if spellbound by her mysterious presence, I felt protective for her. None around us, seemed to be her parents. I decided to follow the little girl. At first I thought, she was unaware of my presence, but a few seconds later, she asked me without turning back,"What made you think I wanted help to find the broken piece of my sword?"

"I guessed you would want to fix it", I looked at her intently.

"I want to, but without the broken part". I waited for her to add more as she kept walking, but she remained silent.

I decided to let her speak on her own. She looked at me and continued," Do you want to see how I will build it again?"
                                         
I smiled, so did she, and we continued walking, until the road became less crowded. Towards the end of this familiar road, came a turn I had never seen earlier. I looked at her, puzzled. She pointed towards a tree, which stood so high, that I could not differentiate where it got mingled with the sky. When I looked at her again, she pointed towards a narrow trail that seemed to be lit up by the moonlight alone.

"Are you sure you know where you are going?" I couldn't stop from being puzzled about her.

"Of course. I come here whenever I want to." She led the walk for me. I felt a change in my energy as I stepped onto that path.

"So what do you come here for?"

"To dream of anything that could happen", with that, she held her broken sword towards another path. But she did not go that way. She continued walking forward.

"Where did that path lead to?" I asked her.

"Anywhere, but I don't want to go over there."

In between, we came across several other trails, lit up differently, none of which she seemed interested to follow. Sensing my confusion she said," Those were places which I have seen earlier. I have dreamt of who I could be over there. I don't want to visit them any more. I want to visit unseen places."

She stopped at the foot of one of the trails," I will be coming back in a few minutes. You can explore the place around if you want to."

"Wait, but you are alone...", she didn't stop. And I was left even more confused at that place. On one hand, I felt wary of the place. On the other hand, I felt scared for the little girl.

I looked around to see if there was anybody around, but only heard the rustling of leaves by the breeze to break the silence. At a distance, I saw a lit up path. Out of curiosity, I decided to follow it. As I started walking, a gush of images, seemed to appear around me. At first, I had a creepy feeling about them and decided to step back. But on taking a second look, I found that they were images from various instances of my life. I decided to continue on the path.

                                               

A few steps later, I found an alley lit up by an image of mine from infancy, with my mother holding me gladly. The alley seemed to be walled by various other images of the same phase. I peeped into it and smiled at every image which reminded me of the times when I was a baby. However, I decided not to follow it, and continued on my path.

After every 10 steps, there were little alleys, lit up at the entrance by an image of mine from every phase of my life. Peeping into them, I felt various feelings rushing through me--mixed emotions of happiness, respect, love, anger, retribution, as I remembered each of those phases. I wondered why I was being made to witness them again, if I felt so exhausted by them. I kept walking, until I came across the images from my most recent phase. It seemed to intrigue a wave of anger as well as calmness of mind simultaneously. I looked beyond the image. There were two paths lit up with signboards, "Retribution" and "Redemption", respectively followed by a statement, "From here, you are what you choose to be."

I stood there, aware, that the one I choose to follow would decide the course of my remaining journey. I knew that I was certainly very strong not to judge others or to seek vengeance from the evil ones. I knew that the path ahead would reveal the images of what I choose to follow and will be the one that remains with me. I weighed the probabilities and consequences of each path. I wondered about the reasons behind my battles. I wondered why I was still in the battle. As I thought of the previous images of myself that I had seen, and of the direction in which I could steer my ship from there, I realized that the incidents that happened had not been my choice, but the way I carried their consequences had certainly been my choice. I realized that those incidents or their consequences, or the emotions that I felt with them, were not the reasons behind my journey, but had unknowingly become the reasons for my battles.

I realized that the innocence with which the little girl followed unexplored dreams every time she wanted to, was the same that I possessed deep inside, but was overshadowed by the load that I weighed upon myself, and changed the reasons which made me exhausted. I wondered if the journey till now could have been different, had I not steered my ship because of those reasons. And then, it occurred to me that the answer I had been looking for was here itself! I had started my journey for the quest behind my existence, and it certainly had nothing to do with whatever happened on the way. I had to learn, unlearn, re-learn and carry a part of each friend/enemy, good/bad experience as a story and forget it as I moved ahead.

I had my battles to be fought for my reasons, and everyone's actions decide the consequences. I was not meant to frame the consequences for the actions imposed by people/moments. That, after all was the essence of pursuing a journey, which was mine, to discover the world and myself. How could it be made to suffer because of anything that happened on my way to the destination. That was how I was going to win my battles. I made my choice there and smiled to myself, but decided not to follow the path. I had to experience it outside these woods in the world.

Having made my choice, I took one glance behind my shoulders, and wondered if I too would like to come to visit this place some other time. I followed the trail back to where the little girl had left me. She was waiting for me with a smile and a sword, completely fixed now, or probably a new one. We started walking back to the crowded road.
   
                                             

"You walked away a bit too far I guess", she laughed.

"No. I had walked a bit too nearer than earlier", I winked and added," By the way, I know why you didn't want to fix the sword from the broken piece."

She turned back and handed her little plastic sword to me," That's great. You can take mine. I will get one more", she laughed again, as we reached the place where we had met. I smiled at her.

As the road seemed familiar once more, I wondered if her parents would be worried. I turned back to ask her where she had to go. But to my amazement, she was nowhere to be seen! I stood, frozen for  a while. She wasn't a part of a fantasy tale, I thought, as I reached the place where I had been an hour or two back in time that evening. The place was again full of unknown people, giving me my solitude. Yet, there was something soothing about the night.

A cool breeze wavered through my hair, and made the trees around me swing in slow motion, which only added to the beauty of the scene. The leaves remained like whispering audience to me, as if witnessing my moves from a distance. Never in my life had I felt a fading Winter, so refreshing as this one, in February. It was only a few minutes later that I realized there was a mystic aroma in the breeze, a little damp, old and soothing, as if coming from the trail of a distant smoke, or from a forest that had moistened air of the soil. I could smell the lovely atmosphere in my breath!

As I sat peacefully in that moment, I did not remember why I was there, what I was doing, what intrigued me to stop walking for a while and what made me follow that little girl. That was what I was supposed to do, I realized. I had to pursue the journey for myself, unaltered by any external, impure elements in the world. The sanctity of the thought finally made me realize that the answer to my questions was what I had just experienced. It was redemption of the soul from any thing that was impure, and not at all retribution.

The reason for my journey was to be found out, without getting disturbed or distracted from the events that I experienced on my way. They were just meant to be witnessed, and that was my strength as an undefeated warrior. I understood that I had to go on, unperturbed, and that made me feel light inside, cleansed from the heart. As I felt a little surprised and then understood this second instance of a "Reflection" of myself that night, I raised the little plastic sword with pride, without giving a thought to whether she was real or my imagination and continued on my path--enlightened by Redemption now.            

The Cherished Solitude

I have always wondered why most of the people get bored of being alone, why is it that they always enjoy in a company. I feel that God has already created a wonderful soul inside each one of us, then why is it that many people take their solitude as a curse. I do not understand why they give in to anybody they find, just for the sake of having a company. I know time seems more like a friend when in a company, but can't the same time seem blissful when you are alone? How can you expect to enjoy in a company when you try to escape your solitude?

Have you ever tried listening to the voice of your heart, which never gets heard when you are already surrounded by voices. It is only when you are alone, that you can hear the beautiful voice of your own heart, the voice that can never be wrong, the voice that will lead you to your answers. That voice waits for you to sit silently and listen to the world inside you. Ever tried being your own friend for sometime? There lies a world beyond you, to be explored, and it waits to be explored only by you and your solitude.

When I am alone, I love to contemplate upon so many things. Often I sit in silence when I feel a little drained out in crowds, without getting much time to listen to the feeble voices inside my mind. I get the answers to numerous questions boggling at the back of my mind. More often than not, the inability to spend quality time with myself makes me feel suffocated unless I get to be with myself at the end of the day. Yes, I have been termed as an anti-social person quite a lot of times, but I don't mind that. How can you expect someone to be contented when they have not fed their minds with that solitude that calls for them?

What can you even do when you are alone? I have been asked so many times. Each one has a world of his/her own-- a world completely unknown to anyone else. I like to visit that world too. It is refreshing to explore a beautiful world with unlimited energy and aspects and it always makes me awed at the surprises I receive from there. I love to sing and I can listen to the most beautiful voice from my heart. I love to read and I enter an unknown world. I love to write and I often pen down some of the soulful pieces of writing that I've ever written. And there is always something new, which keeps me going on my path. I love to travel alone and I see so many aspects which I hadn't noticed till then.                                   

There is so much to be known in this world of mysteries. There lies a story behind every person I meet, behind every place I visit, behind every written word, behind every action around me,behind every little sign of this universe, and I love to explore it in my solitude; so much that sometimes I don't need anybody around me. I enjoy the bliss in the inner world that I explore at my own choice. It needs nobody else. It never requires me to behave socially. I can be myself in that world, and enter or exit as per my convenience, far beyond the materialistic and superficial world, with divine realizations. In short, I can find my magic moments which otherwise might go unnoticed.

So if you haven't given a thought about spending some quality time alone, enter the world of introspection. Try reading a book alone once. Try writing down your thoughts once. Try singing a song once. Try thinking about your dreams or memories once. Try enjoying the breeze or raindrops once being yourself. Try having a cup of coffee once. Try walking on a beautiful moonlit night outside once, or travelling to an unknown place, or probably to a known place as if you are doing that for the first time. You will be surprised to meet a version of yourself you had never known before....Try it all alone to find the beauty of solitude and you will find yourself . You will find your strengths when you feel lost, your individuality when you feel covered up with illusions.

There remains a light with you that shows up when you look for it inside yourself. Never forget that it is the same light which you will find outside too, amidst all the storms you might have to face. That's the beauty of silence and solitude. You might fall in love with your destiny even though it seems to put up new challenges everyday. The shadows which you see around yourself might be a reflection of what you fear inside yourself. You might be able to face them, accept them, or even win over them. Your faith best shows up in solitude. Never is a person stronger than he/she could be after knowing the beauty of solitude.

There is an addictive pleasure in feeling yourself breathe and wonder how much creativity the universe has invested in building everything around you. Believe me, that world of solitude which you often try to escape, out of your fears is actually blissful. Just visit it once and you will fall in love with it. You can even share it with someone who understands this world. You will find a few like you who carry their secret worlds inside them, and once you have found people like you, you will never feel lonely, sharing the same worlds. You know what, even if you don't find them, you won't need to find anybody, they will just cross your path by coincidences, because you will not fear your solitude any more, you will fall in love with it.

"The journey inside myself seems much more interesting than the one I traverse in the world outside. I am one of those who have covered just a millionth part of it, yet I would never like to stop."

The Voyage

She was on a voyage to find something,

A part of herself which was missing,

Not to complete her being along,

But to add to who she was now.

They said she was insane and lost,

To look for something that had gone by,

But she had seen that world sometime,

She believed in the presence of dreams.

She visited places where she had lived,

And witnessed herself living there again,

She met people who had once known her,

And found herself in the reminiscences.

She wandered her dreams again,

And found her traces in those worlds,

She explored her beliefs in solitude,

And came across the warrior she was.

"To find that which is lost,

One needs to be what was lost",

She remembered someone had told her,

And off she ventured into the past.

**********************************

There was a city long ago,

She was a little girl lost in the city,

None came to find her ever,

All who saw her looked at her in pity.

She had an agony that none could hear,

Devoid of strength, joy and love,

She wondered what she could do,

Scared, she prayed and looked above.

None believed that anything could happen until,

As if from nowhere appeared someone,

Who believed that she was a miracle,

He took her along as his own one.

He brought joys, lessons, insights,

And reminded her that she was a warrior,

"You don't lose until you give up",

And she knew their worlds were similar.

She called the angel her 'Captain',

And the ship went to universes afar,

They won battles of despair and light,

Sharing a bond that was unbreakable.

He built a kingdom for the little one,

Where she learned of her history,

But none could understand her strength,

To her and everyone else, he was a mystery.

Often she wondered why only she saw him,

But never could she ask him who he was,

Until one day she found out a truth,

He was a fugitive from the land of enemies.

Unable to think of anything else,

She murmured,"How can I trust you?"

The angel, dilapidated, blessed her,

And decided to walk away.

She wondered why he used to preach,

"One day I will have to leave",

But she had wanted him to stay,

And know why he was a mystery.

Days and nights passed by for her,

She could not find the magic she possessed,

Nor could she find him and his mystery,

She missed the angel who had blessed her.

And off she went on a voyage,

To find the missing part of magic,

That was symbolic of him she knew,

Present in another parallel universe.

*********************************

The voyage reminded her of who she was,

And there she remembered how to find,

All that had went missing including him,

Somewhere in another universe.

She churned the hidden battles,

And won over her enemies,

Until she reached her destination,

And there he was in that universe, to applaud.

"Where have you been Captain?

I missed you a lot", she said, bereft.

"I waited for you to win yourself and you did,

As for me, I had never really left."

The little girl set off with him on the voyage,

And she remained a warrior none could forget,

But only she knew how blessed she had been,

To live an unbreakable bond with an angel who never left.

                                       

Parallel Waves

                              


Dusk and dawn never changes, making us believe that time remains the same, until we look at ourselves. I look at the waves. It seems like just another day from the old times. I look at you. You have changed on the outside, but you still seem familiar to me. Yet, you have changed. Your eyes still reflect numerous thoughts of your mind, with the charismatic ocean of secrets that I had always wanted to explore. I still want to. Your hair, a little grey in colour now, still make you look graceful to me. Your smile, over these years, has remained mystic. I wonder how many more fell for the magic it showed.

The way you look at me hasn't changed a bit-- as if trying to read my mind each minute quietly with your constant gaze along with lots of questions. You look at me. I seem familiar to you as well-- the same series of multiple expressions that you wanted to understand, or may be still want to. My hair, grey too, still hide a part of my face, that portrays various shades of colours in your presence. My hesitant eyes compensate for the words that have always travelled till my lips and vanished. My hands still brush away the sweat from the intertwined fingers, making my heartbeats growing faster with nervousness each second.

We spend a forever in that silence---the usual silence or perhaps the silence of awkwardness, to face each other again, after so many years. We think of saying that we missed each other, no matter, in which way. We think of talking about all those dreams and wishes, that remain preserved inside. We think of sharing our worlds over these years. We think of discussing all those questions, answers, misunderstandings which remain at the back of our minds. We think of exploring those worlds once again. Yet, we smile as  our minds travel through the memory lane.

You ask me,"So, you're a writer now?"

"Kind of."

We say nothing more, though we want to.

You think about all that shouldn't have been, I think of all that could have been. I wonder if it could still be. You wonder if it should be.

We remain like the drops in those parallel waves--the same drops we once wrote about, which never meet, no matter how many times, they are superimposed. No amount of interference could separate or join them, the drops, the waves-- parallel, afar, yet inseparable. Nothing has changed over these years on the inside,neither you and me, nor the echoes of those days and secrets, just like the dusk and dawn here.

~Excerpt from an incomplete story, someday