The Moment

"I am pretty sure Google Maps led us here mentioning this cafe which serves great coffee and now we are at the same junction that we crossed an hour ago, and I am famished," stopping midway, I confessed, annoyed.

It had been two hours since we were looking for a place to relax, suggested by Google, in this unknown city where we were for our escape from our mundane routine.

The junction was quiet with one or two people around us. We squatted on a deserted bench nearby. He brought two sandwiches and two cups of coffee from a vendor in sight and watched me anxiously sipping my coffee.

"Well, where do we proceed now?", I asked gulping my sandwich hurriedly.

"What's wrong with this place?", he enquired.

"We had really wanted to visit that cafe if you remember."

"And we have been getting uselessly laborious and stressed to find it since the past two hours which nullifies our motive to relax in this city. We are here to escape our paced routine. What is the point if we end up running to catch our breaths just to find a place again?", he said, relaxed.

I looked around. It was a peaceful place. We were relishing our taste buds, there wasn't any crowd and we were in no hurry on that beautiful winter night with dazzling yellow and white lights above the only tree behind us, a building with old lighted neon sign and music from somewhere afar.

The light breeze created patterns of waves from the aromatic vapours arising from our coffee cups, as if conveying a secret message, while swaying the branches of the tree, making lights shimmer through the shade.

It was exactly the place I would have wanted to be in. Yet it took a moment to find it.

I realized that is precisely how technology hinders our judgement of our own desires. We want something, we hit the Search button and end up with seemingly infinite results and we rely on them, rather we get swayed away with them, believing that this is what we really want overshadowing the actual imagination painted in our minds and it always ruins the possibilities of getting out in the unknown and finding the unique traces that we as humans can live up to.

Perhaps, that is the case with everything these days, living in a race running for the rose-tinted glasses the world provides us with and then forgetting our real desires.

As children, we had our individually unique imaginations and we lived to add more to them being unaffected by our experiences. But then we grew up.

"So how do we find this place tomorrow? I don't think we will land up here by chance again", I joked as we got up to leave after spending what seemed like an eternity there.

"Let's count on coming across another one for tomorrow then", he laughed.

Inception-- Of A Rendezvous

There are some things in life we seem to cherish only when our continuously ignored desires overcome our rational beliefs. I was undergoing the same thing when they crossed the threshold level in my mind and I finally decided to give into what my heart had been telling me to do since the past few months. Incidentally for me, it was a December night. It had been more than a year since my life had taken the most recent turn and I was on a journey that I pursued to find a destination I would love. I had come far from my history such that I could be ready to dive into the unexpected experiences in life. But I was unable to find a course on my journey. I was unsure of where I had wanted to go, may be not much unsure about the where, but about the how part.
                                               

I had wanted to abandon routine for a while then, my job, my life, my circle(which is confined as such because I don't interact with people regularly)and longed to step out and find out what I had been looking for. I had wanted to shut myself from everywhere to set out on a new journey. 

Well, that isn't easy enough when you have 

1. a stable job , 

2. a dearth of leaves from your workplace, 

3. a bubbling desire to transform the mundane into magic,

4. your parents who are there and get worried if you talk about alienating yourself from the world. (They think you have undergone some Psychological change and ask you to socialize or worse, to get married, neither of which seems like an option to you, because they fear you might leave the routine and escape to the Himalayas, which isn't the case most of the times.)

So this was quite an insight for me to cover. But I wasn't going to a remote village in the Himalayas as my parents would think. I was going to a familiar place, a place that wasn't related to me in any way but which I had always loved, a place which unknowingly reminded me of my roots, of who I used to be when I was a kid. I didn't know if I had questions. I didn't even know if I sought answers. But I had an instinct which drove me to that place, and I had known that I never regretted my impulsive, intuitive actions. I was, at a bus station on a December night, because impulsive decisions don't give you the liberty to adjust the flight or train schedules, and I needed to accept that fact too. I waited for my bus to arrive, of course, enjoying the chill, because December brings warmth to me, for unknown reasons.
                                               
I had to switch two trains and a bus to and that was an intermediate station from where I had to board a bus to reach my destination. As I waited for my bus to arrive, I was engrossed in the book I was reading. It was by my favourite author of course, Paulo Coelho. My intermediate stop was a small but the most prominent and the safest one in the vicinity since it was a small hill station on my way. This wasn't the usual route but my impulsive plan had made me take the longer and the unusual route to reach the place. I wasn't there to visit hill stations for that matter. I was travelling to a place that felt mine and it was just going to be for a day. Amidst the cold night, I was waiting for it to snow but there were no signs of even a single flake.

I decided to take a look around and observe the place. There wasn't much commotion. The only passengers apart from me waiting in the lobby of that bus station were an elderly couple and a woman probably in her late forties. The old couple seemed lost, trying to find comfort and warmth in each other. Yes, it was cold. Just that I loved it much to ignore the fact. The elderly woman asked for a cup of tea and he rose, leaving the shawl for her. The woman noticed me looking at them and smiled. I smiled back and realized I seemed like a stalker, so I shifted my attention towards the woman. She was alone I assumed. I couldn't see her face clearly. Her gaze was fixed at a distance in the dark. I wondered if she thought about things which went on in my mind occasionally, but then sidetracked the idea because it seemed too weird.

It was 9:30 at night and the place already seemed deserted. My bus was expected to arrive in another ten minutes and would take 5 hours to reach my destination. I calculated that I would be just in time for something I didn't want to miss. The announcement for my bus was made at last. I grabbed my bag and headed towards the indicated area. It was going to be a long journey, so I plugged in my earphones and decided to get some rest. It wasn't my hour to sleep but it was my hour to contemplate in the most active form I could. I opened the pages in my mind and wondered what questions wandered in the deepest oceans I had been trying to avoid.

I didn't realize when I had dozed off. It was only when I heard the bus tires screeching that I woke up. Something had gone wrong. The driver informed us that the engine had broken down and it was difficult to get it repaired before morning.We were at the outskirts of the city. I checked the time. It was 2-30 in the morning and dark and cold. I had to reach the Peace Pagoda Monastery by 4-30 in the morning in order to join the prayer. I was going to be in Darjeeling only for a day and I didn't want to miss that. I looked around to check what the other passengers would do in the midst of the wilderness. Most of them decided to wait till the morning. I contemplated upon the lonely half an hour walk to the Monastery from there, the risks involved and the dangers of getting lost in an unknown place.

I gathered courage and decided to walk up to my destination. Just when I had started walking along the hillside, I heard footsteps following me in the dark. I turned around but couldn't see anyone. Baffled, I raced my steps and continued to walk. After almost half an hour of walking, I still couldn't see lights and began to worry a little. It was a hilly forest, an unknown city and its outskirts and I was alone. This could be foolishly unsafe. I wondered where this impulsive decision could lead me just when I heard my name. I got startled. It wasn't obvious for anyone to call me by my name in this place, in the middle of nowhere.                                                                                  

                                                     

Cautiously, I turned again and saw a woman waving at me. She approached me and it was only when she got close enough, I realized that she was the same woman whom I had seen at the bus station. I still couldn't see her face clearly though but I sighed with relief.

As she smiled at me, I blurted with a little anxiety, "Err..do you know the way to Peace Pagoda Monastery from here? I think I am lost and I need to reach over there by 4-30. Could you please help me?"

"I was going the same way. I stay in the Monastery. You aren't lost, you just seem to have taken a circled route around the hill. It doesn't mean you won't get there on time,"

"No, it doesn't mean that", I looked at her intently. Her gaze was different, more like a motherly gaze, but seemed familiar. I couldn't understand why. We started walking, rather I started following her, as if enchanted by her demeanour. She looked elegant in every way, a woman dressed in a simple saree, moving around calmly, with no visible aura of negativity around her. There was silence between us, but it didn't seem awkward. For reasons I didn't know, her presence made all my previous anxieties of being lost, fade away in the mist.

                                                 

And then she chose to break the silence, "What does a 26 year old woman in the middle of this hilly forest far from her world, think about battles?"

Her question surprised me. How could a stranger know about me so accurately. Did she look up for me purposely? I doubted for a minute and then composed myself to look normal and answered, "Well Ma'am, she thinks everyone fights a battle. They just need to know the purpose and their reasons."

"What if they cannot figure them out?", her question startled me again, because that was exactly what I had been thinking all along my journey.

"Eventually everyone does I guess."

"And what do you think about those who can't do it in the moment? Do you think they are lost?"

I didn't know what to answer.

She continued," I guess you know the answer. You just feel reluctant to acknowledge it."

"I am not sure what the answer should be. I feel it is alright to find answers on my own, the way I want. But I survive in a world where timing becomes a crucial factor perhaps. I could talk about battles, winning them, losing them or abandoning them for my own reasons, but nobody knows what will work out in the long run. I may not seem to know what I seek. Or may be I have the answers, but the questions which haunt me ruin them all."

She listened to me without looking back, but stopped and waited till I reached by her side, before she started walking again. My flashlight had turned off. She handed me a small battery-powered light. The wind seemed to creep in through my jacket but that didn't bother me. I had always loved this chill. I couldn't hide my smile. She had noticed it. She broke the silence once again.

"Have you heard the story of a girl who didn't know who she was until she lost a battle?"

I hadn't. I nodded in disagreement.

She continued, "There was this girl in an ancient kingdom. She grew up in the local tribe, but did not know how to fight. She wasn't supposed to join the wars that they fought. Years later, when they started teaching their girls how to fight, she learnt it too. But it wasn't until she found a secret hidden in the hills far away that she realized she could find her sword, and use it to protect her people and win over all the battles. She did find her sword and used that secret. She thought she had found her purpose. That it was all she had to do in her life. Little did she know that the misleading secret had been placed by her enemies purposely because they knew her abilities. And they knew that intoxicating one's thoughts was far more powerful than inflicting a physical injury, if they wanted to win over something."

"By inducing weakened ideas they could affect her mind forever?" I asked.

She nodded and continued,"You are getting there. A thought that is fed by a belief which turns out to be untrue, hampers a complete wave of actions and subsequent abilities. Everything was fine until she entered the battle but lost it."

"But she did have her sword? It wasn't governed by secrets! She knew how to fight, didn't she?"

"I am glad you can realize that. She hadn't been able to for some time. Like all of us. It was only when she felt completely lost and desolate, that she couldn't find a purpose on her journey. She didn't know why she was heading further and didn't understand what she had to seek. But it was then, that she wanted to go on and start over. All she knew was to sharpen her sword and use it. And that didn't require any secrets. She could hate that sword because it had made her forget her skills and rely on a secret which didn't exist. It was a reminder of her mistakes. But she didn't discard it."

I didn't want to interrupt her, but I could imagine myself fighting a battle without a purpose. I didn't know if she was making up that story, but it felt right.

"What happened next?", I couldn't stop myself from asking her.

"Again you know the answer already. She didn't have to discard her abilities or her sword for her mistakes. It is alright to make the wrong choices and not know where to go further. She didn't know what she could do, so she just did what she knew and wanted to do. She sharpened her sword and her abilities, which didn't require any secret. It was more like a penance for years. She felt she was lost but she wasn't. She was just rebuilding herself from the scratch not to fall ever. And then she entered the battlefield again. Of course she won this time. Can you tell me why?"

"Because she knew that it wasn't any magical secret which needed to be known now. Rather, she didn't rely upon it anymore. She only believed in her toiling efforts of valour and strength. She believed in her ability and faith to win, and in her conquest of being lost and found, she knew the journey had been necessary. She endured it all and admired it too", it was my turn to smile now, which she seemed to notice through the faint light.

"Well, it takes a lot to acknowledge this. People seldom find their purpose at the right time, but then all the turns they take lead them where they are supposed to be."

We had reached the gate of the Monastery. She directed me inside and said,"I am sure you will find all your answers within. Peace is what you seek outside, peace is what gets reflected from inside. But if it makes you happy, you can make it a point to visit this place for a single day, any time you like, or Winter if that's how you like it."

"How do you know that about me?" I was in disbelief.

"You know the answer", she replied.

As she said that, it started to snow. It soothened me from within. I had been waiting for it to snow ever since I had entered the vicinity. But listening to the story had made me forget that I had wanted to ask her how she knew so much about me. I directed her flashlight in my hands towards the point where she was supposed to be standing, but there was nobody. I tried to look for her everywhere, but she wasn't there.

The alarm in my phone notified me that it was 4-20 AM. I dropped the idea of finding her. Enlightened, soothened and a bit confused, I joined the prayer. The humming, chanting and praying made me enter a state of trance where I found myself in the middle of the same forest where I had been some time ago. But it was soothing this time. I contemplated upon all my life choices and questions which I hadn't been noticing till now. I knew the answers. As I opened my eyes in the dawn of realizations, I knew it was time to embrace the uncertainties and follow my road wherever it took me. I was going to find my abode and my purpose. It was more like a beginning, rather than an end.

                                           

 

With the blissfully calm Winter aurora, I made it a point to step out of the Monastery and visit my beloved hill station once before I decided to come back for another rendezvous some time. It was a day of peace and contentment. I had to leave at 5 in the evening. I was still wondering about the woman. I thought it would be polite to meet her again and return her flashlight. I returned to the Monastery and asked the Reception Guard, "Do you know where is the lady who lives here? I have something to return to her."

"Madam, We do not have any lady in charge of receiving people who come here."

"No, I was escorted by someone who said she lives here. I had got lost on the outskirts and she helped me find my way till here."

"You must be mistaken Madam. You arrived here last night."

"I didn't! I arrived here in the morning."

"No Madam. You can check your entry". He showed me my credentials with my signature stating the time to be 2-30 AM. I was baffled. I didn't know what to say. I picked up my bag and left from there wondering if everything I had experienced had been a dream.

I smiled at the possibility of such a dream and boarded my train. I decided to make it a point to visit the place nevertheless. As I took my book out of my bag, I found the small flashlight that she had given to me on my way. It still worked!

I turned it around and found the word inscribed, "RENDEZVOUS".

I closed my eyes, pictured her, my journey and my decision to visit the place again and realized--- It hadn't been a dream. It had been the Inception of a series of Rendezvous, may be in another world.

                                                   

श्री रामाधार मिश्र(नानाजी) कहते थे

आज मेरे नानाजी का देहान्त हो गया. उम्र तो इतनी अधिक ना थी पर शायद समय आ गया था. मैंने आज से पहले कभी अपने आपको इतना लाचार नहीं पाया कि चाहे कुछ भी कर लूँ पर अंतिम क्रिया के पहले नहीं पहुँच सकती. ऐसे समय में याद आता है कि घर से दूर और अकेले हैं, और कोई मदद भी नहीं कर सकते. एक इच्छा अंतिम दर्शन की. 

बस अब रह रहकर नानाजी के विचार मन में आ रहे हैं, और अपने होश संभालने से अब तक उनकी यादें सामने आ रही हैं. मेरे नानाजी पंडित श्री रामाधार मिश्र जी , बिजावर के एक विशिष्ट नागरिक थे, जिन्हें सिर्फ़ बिजावर में ही नहीं, छतरपुर जिले और बुंदेलखंड क्षेत्र में दूर दराज़ के हिस्सों में भी उनके नाम से पहचाना जाता था. और यह नाम उन्होंने अपनी कर्मठता, सेवा भाव, निष्ठा और ईमानदारी से कमाया था. लोग उन्हें सिर्फ़ एक विख्यात और ईमानदार वकील के रूप में नहीं जानते थे, बल्कि उनके सादा जीवन, दयाभाव और सही रास्ते पर चलने के साहस का आदर भी करते थे. उनके राजनैतिक या कार्यकाल संबंधी किस्से बताने के लिए मैं सही व्यक्ति नहीं हूँ. मैंने उन्हें सिर्फ़ उतना जाना है जितना देखा. अवश्य ही कई ऐसे ज्ञानी, सम्मानीय, और उनके करीबी लोग होंगे जो उनके सुनहरे कार्यकाल पर प्रकाश डालेंगे. मैं तो सिर्फ़ उनकी नातिन हूँ, और उन्हें नानाजी के रूप में ही जाना है. 

जब मैं छोटी थी, तब तो छुट्टियाँ सिर्फ़ नानाजी के घर पर बिताने के लिए होती थीं, माँ जाएँ या नहीं, मैं तो जाती थी. बिजावर का मतलब मेरे लिए बस मौसियों, मामा और भाई-बहनों से मिलना होता था. कभी कभी सुबह हम बच्चे नानाजी के बड़े से फ़ार्म हॉउस घूम आते थे. नानाजी और नानीजी ने वहाँ भी एक मंदिर बनवाया था, हनुमान जी का. मेरे बचपन की धुंधली यादों में उस मंदिर में बैठकर पूजा करना और वापस आते समय फूल लेकर आना अब भी है. नानाजी नियम और वचन के पक्के थे. कोई भी चीज़ उनके नियम नहीं बदल सकती थी. कितनी बार हम बच्चे उन नियमों को बदलने की कोशिश करते थे, पर नानाजी भी तो हमारे ही नानाजी थे. पूजा के बाद घर के सभी लोगों को चन्दन लगाना और आरती देना जब तक नहीं होता था, वे उठते नहीं थे. 

जब नानाजी कोर्ट जाते थे, तो हम बच्चे थोड़ी बहुत शैतानी भी करते थे और हमारी मौसियाँ भी खेलने के साथ हमें खाने के लिए कुछ न कुछ नया बनाकर देती रहती थीं. फ़िर शाम को नानाजी और नानीजी के साथ मंदिर जाना होता था. मंदिर जाने की याद मेरी सबसे सुखद याद है अब तक. हम नानाजी के कोर्ट के सामने से जाते थे. उतने लंबे रास्ते में हर २ कदम पर कोई न कोई उन्हें नमस्कार वकील साहब कहते हुए निकलता था. मेरे मानस पटल पर जानकी निवास मंदिर, मंशापूर्ण मंदिर , खेल का बड़ा मैदान, राम निवास मंदिर, और हनुमान जी की कुटी, और उसके पीछे का बरगद का पेड़ सब अभी तक अंकित हैं. मंदिर के पंडित भी नानाजी को जानते थे. रास्ते में नानाजी पाठ करते जाते थे और नानीजी हमारी धर्मग्रन्थों की जानकारी बढ़ाती जाती थीं, हमारे सवालों का जवाब देकर. नानाजी की बैठक में सैंकड़ों कानून की किताबें थीं. वे नए नियमों और पुराने केसेज़ को ध्यान से पढ़ते थे. बिजावर से जाने के बाद उन्होंने वे सभी किताबें एक लाईब्रेरी को निःशुल्क दान कर दी थीं. कहने लगे कि यहाँ रखने से अच्छा है कोई इनसे पढ़कर कुछ सीख ले. 

नानाजी घर आकर भी घर के हर सदस्य के बारे में पूछते थे, चाहे कोई भी हो. अपने व्यस्त दिन के बाद भी उन्हें अपने सभी बच्चों और उनके भी बच्चों का ध्यान रहता था. सबने भोजन किया या नहीं, किसी की तबियत ठीक नहीं हुई तो उसके पास बैठकर सहलाना नानाजी अक्सर किया करते थे. घर के छोटे बच्चों को तो वे अपने पास ही बैठाकर कहानियाँ सुनवाते थे या खुद सुनाया करते थे. एक धार्मिक पत्रिका है 'कल्याण', जिसका नाम शायद बुज़ुर्ग लोगों ने ही सुना होगा. नानाजी ने उसकी आजीवन सदस्यता लेकर रखी थी.  मेरा पढ़ने का शौक वहाँ  भी काम आया. और फ़िर नानीजी से उन बातों पर लंबे संवाद होते थे, लगता था कि नानाजी सुन नहीं रहे पर जैसे ही हम कुछ गलत बोलते थे वो तुरंत हमें सही करते थे. राजनैतिक मुद्दों पर नानाजी बहुत देर तक चिंतन किया करते थे. नानीजी से तो मैं अब भी बातें कर लेती हूँ, पर नानाजी से जब बातें करने लायक समझ आयी तब तक वे इन मुद्दों पर ज़्यादा नहीं बोलते थे. 

मुझे अच्छी तरह याद है कैसे नानाजी दिन में कोर्ट जाने से पहले भगवान् के पाठ और हवन पूरे करके जाते थे, चाहे भोजन करें या नहीं. उनके राम रक्षा स्तोत्र के श्लोक अब भी मेरे कानों में गूँजते हैं जो वे पूजा के कमरे में बैठकर बिना किसी रुकावट के करते थे. शायद नानाजी का धार्मिक होना घर के सभी लोगों में कुछ मूल्यों को पत्थर की तरह बिठा गया. मुझे याद है जब मैंने स्कूल जाना शुरू किया था. उन दिनों हम जबलपुर में नहीं रहते थे. मेरे पिताजी की पोस्टिंग सागर में थी. और वहाँ से बिजावर बस ६ घंटों की दूरी पर था. तब घर पर लैंडलाइन फ़ोन नहीं था. मैं हर हफ़्ते बिजावर चिट्ठी लिखा करती थी. और नानाजी उसे भोजन के समय ज़ोर से पढ़वाते थे. फ़िर किसी मौसी या नानीजी से जल्दी उसका उत्तर लिखवाते थे. एक हफ़्ते के अंदर मुझे जवाबी चिट्ठी मिल जाती थी. 

ये बात तब की है जब मैं चिट्ठियाँ लिखने के लिए बहुत छोटी थी, शायद ४ या ५ साल की. नानाजी को माँ ने बताया कि मेरा एडमिशन सागर के सबसे अच्छे स्कूल सेंट जोसफ'स कॉन्वेंट में हो गया है. जब अगली छुट्टियों में मैं बिजावर गयी तो नानाजी ने माँ से कहा कि अब ये हिंदी कैसे सीखेगी. मेरी माँ भी उन्हीं की बेटी हैं. उन छुट्टियों में नानीजी ने मुझे हिंदी की गिनती सिखानी शुरू की. जब मैं वापस आयी तो मेरी माँ ने उसे जारी रखा और साथ ही बहुत कुछ सिखाया. अगली छुट्टियों में जब मैं बिजावर गयी तो नानाजी ने सोचा कि पूछा जाए कितना भूल गयी. जब मैंने उन्हें पूरी हिंदी की गिनती सुनाई तो वे खुश हो गए पर उससे भी अधिक ख़ुशी उन्हें तब हुई जब मैंने नानीजी के साथ बैठकर सभी मौसियों के सामने राम रक्षा स्तोत्र संस्कृत में पढ़ा. उसके बाद स्कूल में हमेशा मैंने अपनी हिंदी और संस्कृत सभी से अच्छी पायी. ये हमारे घर के वातावरण का असर कहा जा सकता है कि आज इतने वर्षों बाद भी हिंदी और संस्कृत मुझे नानाजी और नानीजी की उस बात को याद दिलाते हैं और ख़ुशी महसूस करवाते हैं कि मैं कहीं भी पढ़ी, कहीं भी रही, अब भी बिलकुल वही हूँ. नानाजी को मेरे अंग्रेजी वाद-विवाद की रिकॉर्डिंग्स सुनना भी पसंद था. उस पर वे अपने विचार ज़रूर बताते थे. 

मैं जैसे बड़ी होती गयी, मैंने अपने परिवार को और करीब से देखा. मौसियों की शादियाँ, नानाजी और नानीजी का रहन - सहन मैंने बहुत गहराई से जाना. इसीलिए मैंने अपनी  मौसियों में सहेलियाँ पायीं. जब मैं अकेली थी, तब शायद इसीलिए मामा के साथ इतने साल बिताने का समय मिला कि आज भी  उनकी भांजी से ज़्यादा परिवार के बच्चों में उनकी सबसे अच्छी दोस्त हूँ.  कभी कभी मुझे गर्व होता है और ख़ुद को भाग्यशाली महसूस करती हूँ कि मैं और मेरे माता-पिता बिजावर में नानाजी, नानीजी, मौसियों, मामा और अपने भाई-बहनों से सबसे अधिक जुड़े रहे. आज भी लगता है कि वो अपनापन मुझे सबसे बांधे रखता है सुख-दुःख में चाहे हमें मिले हुए कितने भी दिन हो गए हों. 

मैंने नानाजी को बाहरी अनजान लोगों पर दया दिखाते हुए भी बहुत देखा. जब समझ आयी तो मैंने पाया कि हमारे घर में कई बार गरीब लोग दूर दूर से आते थे. दरवाज़ा खोलने पर एक ही रट , "मिश्राजी  वकील साहब से मिलना है."  इन में से कई ऐसे होते थे जिनके पास कोर्ट केस की फीस देने के  पैसे नहीं होते थे, या जो बिजावर के दूसरे लालची वकीलों द्वारा पीड़ित थे. वे नानाजी के पास आते थे. नानाजी  मुफ़्त  में उनकी मदद करते थे क़ाबिल तो वे थे ही(उनकी डिग्री और काम से). मेरी माँ ने वकालत करने से पहले कई बार नानाजी के कागज़ संभाले थे. वे बताती हैं कि नानाजी ने हमें कहकर रखा था कि ऐसे लोगों को भोजन-पानी देना और ज़रूरत के लिए पैसे देना. कई बार  बाहर से आये लोगों को रात का आश्रय भी मिलता था. भूखों के लिए भोजन और भंडारे भी नानाजी अखंड रामायण के साथ करवाते थे. नानाजी कहते थे जितना कर सकते हैं करना चाहिए. उनके  इस नियम का पालन घर में हमेशा किया गया. 

आज यूँ तो आँसू मैंने भी बहाये पर फ़िर सोचा कि एक अच्छे जीवन को जीने की सीख देने वाले ऐसे ज्ञानी और दानी व्यक्ति को उनके जीवन के लिए याद रखा जाना चाहिए, (और वह भी हिंदी में) जिससे हम भी उनके आदर्शों का पालन करें. तभी सोचती हूँ आज देवउठनी एकादशी का दिन ही चुना ईश्वर ने उन्हें अपने साथ मुक्तिधाम ले जाने के लिए. वैसे तो बिजावर मेरे लिए सागर और जबलपुर से भी ज़्यादा करीब है, नानाजी भले ही गुवाहाटी या वड़ोदरा में रहे हों,और लोग अब भी घर और हमें देखकर कहेंगे कि ये मिश्राजी वकील साहब के घर से हैं, और इस पहचान पर मुझे गर्व है, पर मेरे मानस पटल पर उनकी जो छवि सबसे पहले उभरती है, वह है पूजा के कमरे में या शाम को बैठक में राम रक्षा स्तोत्र के १०८ पाठ  करने की सीधी छवि  और उनकी गूँजती हुई आवाज़,

 "राम रामेति रामेति रमे रामे मनोरमे।

    सहस्त्रनाम तत्तुल्यम रामनाम वरानने ॥ "

                                  

                                        

                                       

The Secret Dwelling

I don't remember when it happened,

That I was born inside a dark cover,

But I remember when I had come to life,

It was a moment when I popped my head,

Out into a stream of sunlight joyfully,

I curled and tossed my leaves in the wind,

And unfurled my twigs when it rained,

I toiled hard when the sun hit hard,

And wished to see more when it got dark,

Years passed by and I kept growing,

From a sapling to a plant and to a tree,

I used to wonder of things I had never seen,

Of places where I had never been.

People came and went by every day,

But I stood there for what seemed like a forever.

I don't remember when I saw her first,

I never knew where she came from,

I only remember her distinct gaze,

And the silence in which she wondered,

Of distant worlds and places like I did,

A little girl with her imaginations,

Scribbling her words in a notebook,

She seemed out of place among kids like her,

And often sat beneath my shade to ponder,

Upon all those things which didn't bother others,

That's why she seemed to me like my own one.

                                             

She recited stories to herself that only I heard,

Years passed by as she grew up,

Unperturbed by people around her,

Who tried to demolish her spirit,

She never knew we shared a common world,

She fought in her conquests and loved and lost,

Yet never in her journey did she lower her sword ,

Each day I saw her rising up for another battle,

Nothing could ever break her spirit to fall apart,

She seemed like a warrior on her journey,

Walking along with people who needed her,

And walking alone when none did,

Her valour made her survive each day,

And she walked through storms and fires,

Perhaps she belonged to a distant land,

Yet visited me every single day,

Some times she loved the winds,

Some times she just got dripped in rains,

Yet at other times she just loved the chill,

Somehow I witnessed her dreams, her fears,

And knew her stories, more than she did,

I knew perhaps what she wrote in there,

She used to whisper into my brown trunk,

"These are secrets only you know",

And I wavered my branches like wings,

She loved to be here until one day,

After which she never came back to me,

I waited and yearned for a company,

For she was the one who was like me,

But she did not return,

Perhaps she had found a place better than this.

********************************

I grew old and wondered if people needed me,

They went along but none stopped by,

None appeared who seemed like her,

Until one day I saw a woman, her hair grown grey,

She was a stranger who had a familiar gaze,

She seemed unknown but like my own one,

She sat under my shade and wondered silently,

Of places she had been to and people she had seen,

She scribbled in her notebook of all those days,

When I didn't know in which world she had landed,

She talked to herself of those battles and journeys,

And I was the one who heard it all,

I knew she was the little girl who grew up here,

Her spirit, still unperturbed over the years,

She was the same warrior who never lowered her sword,

And I wavered my withered branches like wings,

She smiled at me and whispered into my trunk,

"These are still secrets only you know,

But I have to travel to another world,

For I am a human and my journey ends here,

But you know I had always thought of you,

And you will carry my secrets unlike anybody else,

Perhaps we will meet again in another world",

I knew she had to leave this world,

I unfurled my leaves and lowered my branches,

For a friend who was like my own,

She dug up a the ground and buried her notebook,

And then left, this time never to come back.

                                                   

I did not wait for her in reality,

For she had left her secrets with me,

She was remembered for her valour and integrity,

But deep down I wondered if she will meet me,

In a distant world, in an after life,

Years passed by and none like her ever came,

I withered more, expecting my end,

Until one morning when it was winter,

Came a little girl who sat silently,

Wondering of distant worlds,

Scribbling in her notebook,

And I wavered my branches like wings....

(The story continues)

Escape- At 103.3 MHz

Has life become stagnant? They say anything that's stagnant rots from inside and eventually kills you. I have often wondered about it. I still do. When you have given a lot of efforts to goals and dreams at early stages in life, and destiny has other plans for you, you could feel blank, unsure of how to deal with things that you have to drag along everyday. It wasn't something that had popped up in my mind that day. I have been wondering the same thing for three years now, everyday when I enter the place, for another day to drag with. My phone vibrated again. I answered the call.

"Yeah. Just left from the office."

"Is everything alright? I had called you twice before this."

"Yes. All good."

"How was your day? No issues I hope."

Normally, I would have spent half an hour discussing about my workplace, but that day I was tired to do so. My mind was wandering into the deep questions about the time and place I was living in.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. I will seem wrong any way. How was your day?"

"Mine was good, but you could at least tell me. You don't talk to anybody as such these days."

"Please mumma. I'll tell you when I have reached home. Bye."

I disconnected the call. Not that I didn't want to blurt it all out, but I feared that my rage, my excitement level or my stubbornness for my dreams might scare her again, and more than me, she might spend a sleepless night. Probably, she would, even now, but stress or hyper excited mode wasn't to be distributed to others, not to her at least. Moreover, this was usual. I always had such thoughts at the back of my mind.The same things could be communicated when I had calmed myself down.

It was already 9-30 P.M. and I was getting late. I decided to board the first bus I saw and change to a connecting one to my place at an intermediate stop. In not more than five minutes, I saw a bus numbered '103' coming my way, which was strange because I had never noticed any such bus earlier on this route of Pune. But since I was late, I didn't pay much attention to it and boarded it for a stop I knew on the way. There wasn't much crowd that night. It wouldn't have mattered any way.

I took a window seat, plugged in my ear phones and turned to my playlist. None of the songs from my collection seemed to set my rhythm for the journey back home. I switched on the radio, in a blatant hope to find a radio station playing some soothing tracks, unlike the trending ones. To my disappointment, none of them seemed to relay signals that night. I kept switching between many and finally stopped at one which played some English songs. As I settled down to follow my chain of thoughts, it started playing 'Paradise'.

And with that, I brought my background trails into the mainstream, which had been bubbling to be noticed throughout the day. I contemplated upon the possibilities of following what my heart had been telling me to do. As I felt my own helplessness to be able to do so, I felt a wave of rage inside me. I wondered if I had turned into a coward. I wondered if the warrior in me had eventually vanished. I wondered if I had become one of those who simply wanted to escape from realities at any cost but were aware that it was not possible.

Looking out from the window, everything seemed just the same, as it was every other day. At a distance, there were hundreds of such places like the one where I worked, and thousands of such employees like I was one. Perhaps each one trying to find a meaning to the whole idea of existence, or may be it was just me. Apparently, others seemed to exist in the idea of a delusional world, that was a reality for them, because they had become a part of it. That was the reason, I seemed to be on the path of an ideology, that was always contrary to the rest of the crowd.

Nevertheless, all this seemed way too complex. I wondered how things had been simpler when I was a child. I could dream of being anyone, living anywhere, doing anything and it never seemed distant. It was always right there, as I had wanted it to be. That was a practical manifestation of the phrase which had become a part of my vision since the last three years to escape, 'Experience Certainty'. Isn't it quite a strange aspect of human minds that once we start traversing a trail of our own thoughts, we tend to visit every place, meet every person involved and live every moment again? As if the world we live in, doesn't exist and things are just as they had been.

The radio station now played a fantasy tale of a little girl caught among devils. I found it interesting and switched on 'Live Recording'. She had been brought into their world when she had barely started knowing her own world. So, she didn't know why she existed. I wondered how many people thought about the reasons behind their existence in this world rather than just about their survival. Or how many ever remembered that they had wanted to be someone else when they were in Kindergarten. That's the point. We could laugh at all of it or we could take it further, but it surely remains inside us.

And then as we grow up, peace resides in all the silent moments when we think of coming back to a place called home, because it reminds us of our firsts, perhaps our first steps, the first time we learnt to write, to read or the first friends we made, the first places we visited outside home. They seem to own us, irrespective of the number of years that have passed. It seems more like a call, a frequent knock on the doors of our hearts, to be the same, whether it is possible or not. May be, because we still think that those little dreams of innocence had a far better prospect for us as people, rather than as robots.

I could not help but think of all the people who had once been in my life, friends, teachers, acquaintances, loved ones, neighbours. Was it possible that they had went through or were going through series of unanswered questions and sought answers at the back of their minds every day? Could they too possibly wonder that on a cool summer morning during their vacations, when they woke up next to their belongings, as little kids, picturing their lives, or their dreams, unaware of the worldly propaganda, they had been right or wrong? Or could they wonder if the pretty pictures of their fantasy tales on summer evenings could turn true?

The tale on the radio continued to state that the little child just noticed that the only way to breathe without any trauma was either to escape from there by taking a leap through a ridge, that would be courageous on her part, but wouldn't be final as they would have to be faced later, or to stay there and keep fighting against them till she won. The tale did not reveal the choice she made. It was left for the listeners to decide on their own. Either way, she was declared a warrior.

I smiled at the coincidence and at the rawness of the conclusion. Either way, you are a warrior, it said. When there was light, we would know we had the courage, but the real test of faith, patience, perseverance and courage came along when darkness seemed to prevail for so long that we started doubting our existence. Pretty much true it was. I realized at that moment that perhaps, each one of us believed in the existence of a fantasy dream that we had once seen in innocence, whether as a child or after we grew up, and no matter what happened, a part of us would never stop believing in that. We could always go back, visit those summers, wish that child a great time, and come back to know that a part of that child we used to be, still remained and always would, inside us. It had always calmed us down. We had always known that part of ourselves, there wasn't any reason we would ever let it go.

I concluded that as long as I believed in my existence for the cause I had dreamt of at any point of time, it wasn't always necessary to take a leap that wouldn't turn into a last one. Some times, courage meant to face the turmoil, deal with the devils, go through it, and still not give up. A true warrior could leave the battle field at any point, to come back, or would stay, no matter how clueless, but would face it, to keep fighting till the end, which could lead there. I had always been a warrior. I still was. I would always be.

The intermediate stop had arrived. I got down and saw bus number '103' leaving. I clicked to switch off the Recording mode and noticed the Station which I had been listening to. It was then that I realized that the radio station was a channel at the frequency 103.3 MHz. That was impossible! English channels at 103.3 MHz were relayed in few Western countries(especially the States) but not in India at all. Moreover, it was not the kind of station to discuss topics of such insights. In the state of disbelief and confusion, I started walking towards the bus stop, only to realize that it wasn't an intermediate stop, but my actual stop!

This couldn't be a fantasy tale. I walked further to find that I had arrived at my actual destination via a bus which I had never seen before in the city. Bewildered, I checked my phone again, the recording of the story was still there. I smiled at the experience I just had and entered my place. If nothing, yes it had reminded me of something again, of who I was and what I could do.

"Reached home, mumma. I am good. Nothing much happened", I called her.

"You sound better now!"

********************************************************************************

Though I still wonder about the number '103', for it has been so many days but neither did I see that bus again on my way or find the one that drops me to my destination, nor have I found that radio station again. Probably, it was another world where I had been for some time, or the Law of Attraction just decided to synchronize a frequency at similar wavelengths. Or perhaps, fantasy tales do come true, may be just to escape into an insight!                                  

Redemption

****Symbolically, this story starts where "प्रतिबिम्ब" ends. There is a connection between the two but this is not a sequel to "प्रतिबिम्ब"******            

I had stepped outside to get some fresh air and the solitude I love in places crowded with unknown people. It was February, a month which I don't like much because my favourite season Winter fades away in this month. Yet, I wanted to absorb the remains of the peaceful chill for this season. The atmosphere was not at all chilled, but there remained a mysterious serenity even in the fresh Spring season that had arrived. It was soon going to be dark, and I wanted to enjoy every moment of the night falling in place. It reminded me of another night, when I had experienced an unforgettable incident in Winter. I had decided to find all the answers within myself that day.

And here I was, trying to find those answers, the questions for which seemed to haunt me inside. I wanted to know what remained, what I had to fight for and what it was that seemed to go unnoticed by me. The battle was not over, not for me. I looked around and saw people, still fighting. Some had already given up, others were not sure of how long they were going to fight. Still others were either unaware of all this, lost in this materialistic world, or too sceptical to realize that there remained a world inside them to be explored, that had to be nurtured, in order to find their paths and to follow their dreams. I had never felt strange, to contemplate upon those thoughts, but I felt that all beings had a time in their lives when they became aware of the fact that they were here to pursue a journey.

The sword in my hand lowered a little. I had not decided to give up, but the spirit inside me seemed to have become worn out. Not because of the vicious circle of events that had unsuccessfully, tried to pull me into darkness and failed to do so, but because after so long, my reasons to fight had not remained constant. I was, in the deepest of my heart, bewildered to understand what I was still fighting for.
                                             
It was the light inside me that kept me going on a path which I knew wasn't necessary to be understood in order to follow. Yet, something told me that I needed to contemplate upon an unnoticed aspect, that had to be taken along, in order to move forward. I needed to go back to a place from where I could find my reasons, I had decided, through that night which seemed to welcome a storm. Yet, I would not stop. The only thing that one needed to be afraid of was the negative energy built inside oneself. Nothing else in this world was scary, I had always believed.

The night was calm, with millions of stars twinkling in the sky, that reminded me of my quest and of my journey. Silence was the only dominant entity for me, on that road, even in a hustling crowd of people. I witnessed a turbulence around me. A hazy figure seemed to approach me on that faintly lit up road. She was a girl, probably 9 or 10 years old, dressed decently, and looked confident in her tom boy haircut. She seemed to walk in a rhythm, as if trying to dance to the beats of the crowd around her, holding a broken piece of a little plastic sword. She seemed to concentrate on the ground, and stopped in between, to look at the sky.

"Are you looking for something my dear?", I broke the silence.

She looked at me,"My little sword is broken."

"Can I help you finding the broken piece?"

She smiled and looked amused," No. I will build it again."

I felt surprised at her answer," Are you alone here?"

"You can join me if you want," she replied.

"But where are you going?"                                        

She kept smiling but did not answer me, and then started walking rhythmically again. As if spellbound by her mysterious presence, I felt protective for her. None around us, seemed to be her parents. I decided to follow the little girl. At first I thought, she was unaware of my presence, but a few seconds later, she asked me without turning back,"What made you think I wanted help to find the broken piece of my sword?"

"I guessed you would want to fix it", I looked at her intently.

"I want to, but without the broken part". I waited for her to add more as she kept walking, but she remained silent.

I decided to let her speak on her own. She looked at me and continued," Do you want to see how I will build it again?"
                                         
I smiled, so did she, and we continued walking, until the road became less crowded. Towards the end of this familiar road, came a turn I had never seen earlier. I looked at her, puzzled. She pointed towards a tree, which stood so high, that I could not differentiate where it got mingled with the sky. When I looked at her again, she pointed towards a narrow trail that seemed to be lit up by the moonlight alone.

"Are you sure you know where you are going?" I couldn't stop from being puzzled about her.

"Of course. I come here whenever I want to." She led the walk for me. I felt a change in my energy as I stepped onto that path.

"So what do you come here for?"

"To dream of anything that could happen", with that, she held her broken sword towards another path. But she did not go that way. She continued walking forward.

"Where did that path lead to?" I asked her.

"Anywhere, but I don't want to go over there."

In between, we came across several other trails, lit up differently, none of which she seemed interested to follow. Sensing my confusion she said," Those were places which I have seen earlier. I have dreamt of who I could be over there. I don't want to visit them any more. I want to visit unseen places."

She stopped at the foot of one of the trails," I will be coming back in a few minutes. You can explore the place around if you want to."

"Wait, but you are alone...", she didn't stop. And I was left even more confused at that place. On one hand, I felt wary of the place. On the other hand, I felt scared for the little girl.

I looked around to see if there was anybody around, but only heard the rustling of leaves by the breeze to break the silence. At a distance, I saw a lit up path. Out of curiosity, I decided to follow it. As I started walking, a gush of images, seemed to appear around me. At first, I had a creepy feeling about them and decided to step back. But on taking a second look, I found that they were images from various instances of my life. I decided to continue on the path.

                                               

A few steps later, I found an alley lit up by an image of mine from infancy, with my mother holding me gladly. The alley seemed to be walled by various other images of the same phase. I peeped into it and smiled at every image which reminded me of the times when I was a baby. However, I decided not to follow it, and continued on my path.

After every 10 steps, there were little alleys, lit up at the entrance by an image of mine from every phase of my life. Peeping into them, I felt various feelings rushing through me--mixed emotions of happiness, respect, love, anger, retribution, as I remembered each of those phases. I wondered why I was being made to witness them again, if I felt so exhausted by them. I kept walking, until I came across the images from my most recent phase. It seemed to intrigue a wave of anger as well as calmness of mind simultaneously. I looked beyond the image. There were two paths lit up with signboards, "Retribution" and "Redemption", respectively followed by a statement, "From here, you are what you choose to be."

I stood there, aware, that the one I choose to follow would decide the course of my remaining journey. I knew that I was certainly very strong not to judge others or to seek vengeance from the evil ones. I knew that the path ahead would reveal the images of what I choose to follow and will be the one that remains with me. I weighed the probabilities and consequences of each path. I wondered about the reasons behind my battles. I wondered why I was still in the battle. As I thought of the previous images of myself that I had seen, and of the direction in which I could steer my ship from there, I realized that the incidents that happened had not been my choice, but the way I carried their consequences had certainly been my choice. I realized that those incidents or their consequences, or the emotions that I felt with them, were not the reasons behind my journey, but had unknowingly become the reasons for my battles.

I realized that the innocence with which the little girl followed unexplored dreams every time she wanted to, was the same that I possessed deep inside, but was overshadowed by the load that I weighed upon myself, and changed the reasons which made me exhausted. I wondered if the journey till now could have been different, had I not steered my ship because of those reasons. And then, it occurred to me that the answer I had been looking for was here itself! I had started my journey for the quest behind my existence, and it certainly had nothing to do with whatever happened on the way. I had to learn, unlearn, re-learn and carry a part of each friend/enemy, good/bad experience as a story and forget it as I moved ahead.

I had my battles to be fought for my reasons, and everyone's actions decide the consequences. I was not meant to frame the consequences for the actions imposed by people/moments. That, after all was the essence of pursuing a journey, which was mine, to discover the world and myself. How could it be made to suffer because of anything that happened on my way to the destination. That was how I was going to win my battles. I made my choice there and smiled to myself, but decided not to follow the path. I had to experience it outside these woods in the world.

Having made my choice, I took one glance behind my shoulders, and wondered if I too would like to come to visit this place some other time. I followed the trail back to where the little girl had left me. She was waiting for me with a smile and a sword, completely fixed now, or probably a new one. We started walking back to the crowded road.
   
                                             

"You walked away a bit too far I guess", she laughed.

"No. I had walked a bit too nearer than earlier", I winked and added," By the way, I know why you didn't want to fix the sword from the broken piece."

She turned back and handed her little plastic sword to me," That's great. You can take mine. I will get one more", she laughed again, as we reached the place where we had met. I smiled at her.

As the road seemed familiar once more, I wondered if her parents would be worried. I turned back to ask her where she had to go. But to my amazement, she was nowhere to be seen! I stood, frozen for  a while. She wasn't a part of a fantasy tale, I thought, as I reached the place where I had been an hour or two back in time that evening. The place was again full of unknown people, giving me my solitude. Yet, there was something soothing about the night.

A cool breeze wavered through my hair, and made the trees around me swing in slow motion, which only added to the beauty of the scene. The leaves remained like whispering audience to me, as if witnessing my moves from a distance. Never in my life had I felt a fading Winter, so refreshing as this one, in February. It was only a few minutes later that I realized there was a mystic aroma in the breeze, a little damp, old and soothing, as if coming from the trail of a distant smoke, or from a forest that had moistened air of the soil. I could smell the lovely atmosphere in my breath!

As I sat peacefully in that moment, I did not remember why I was there, what I was doing, what intrigued me to stop walking for a while and what made me follow that little girl. That was what I was supposed to do, I realized. I had to pursue the journey for myself, unaltered by any external, impure elements in the world. The sanctity of the thought finally made me realize that the answer to my questions was what I had just experienced. It was redemption of the soul from any thing that was impure, and not at all retribution.

The reason for my journey was to be found out, without getting disturbed or distracted from the events that I experienced on my way. They were just meant to be witnessed, and that was my strength as an undefeated warrior. I understood that I had to go on, unperturbed, and that made me feel light inside, cleansed from the heart. As I felt a little surprised and then understood this second instance of a "Reflection" of myself that night, I raised the little plastic sword with pride, without giving a thought to whether she was real or my imagination and continued on my path--enlightened by Redemption now.            

Parallel Waves

                              


Dusk and dawn never changes, making us believe that time remains the same, until we look at ourselves. I look at the waves. It seems like just another day from the old times. I look at you. You have changed on the outside, but you still seem familiar to me. Yet, you have changed. Your eyes still reflect numerous thoughts of your mind, with the charismatic ocean of secrets that I had always wanted to explore. I still want to. Your hair, a little grey in colour now, still make you look graceful to me. Your smile, over these years, has remained mystic. I wonder how many more fell for the magic it showed.

The way you look at me hasn't changed a bit-- as if trying to read my mind each minute quietly with your constant gaze along with lots of questions. You look at me. I seem familiar to you as well-- the same series of multiple expressions that you wanted to understand, or may be still want to. My hair, grey too, still hide a part of my face, that portrays various shades of colours in your presence. My hesitant eyes compensate for the words that have always travelled till my lips and vanished. My hands still brush away the sweat from the intertwined fingers, making my heartbeats growing faster with nervousness each second.

We spend a forever in that silence---the usual silence or perhaps the silence of awkwardness, to face each other again, after so many years. We think of saying that we missed each other, no matter, in which way. We think of talking about all those dreams and wishes, that remain preserved inside. We think of sharing our worlds over these years. We think of discussing all those questions, answers, misunderstandings which remain at the back of our minds. We think of exploring those worlds once again. Yet, we smile as  our minds travel through the memory lane.

You ask me,"So, you're a writer now?"

"Kind of."

We say nothing more, though we want to.

You think about all that shouldn't have been, I think of all that could have been. I wonder if it could still be. You wonder if it should be.

We remain like the drops in those parallel waves--the same drops we once wrote about, which never meet, no matter how many times, they are superimposed. No amount of interference could separate or join them, the drops, the waves-- parallel, afar, yet inseparable. Nothing has changed over these years on the inside,neither you and me, nor the echoes of those days and secrets, just like the dusk and dawn here.

~Excerpt from an incomplete story, someday

    

प्रतिबिम्ब

सर्दियों का मौसम आख़िर आ ही गया. यूँ तो मुझे हमेशा से ही कड़ाके की ठण्ड का इंतज़ार रहा है, पर ये महीना तो जैसे मेरे ही लिए बना है। नवंबर के आखिरी दिन और दिसंबर की दस्तक जैसे मेरे मन को सुकून देने के लिए आते हैं। और रातें … उनसे तो हर मौसम में गहरा नाता होता है। मेरी सुबह तो रात को ही होती है। पर वो रात कुछ अलग थी। अलग इसलिए नहीं कि हर रात की तरह मन की हर परत झंझावातों से दूर अनगिनत दिशाओं में जाकर कुछ पल के लिए ही सही सुकून तलाश कर रही थी, बल्कि इसलिए क्योंकि मैं एक ऐसे सफ़र पर जा रही थी जिसका परिणाम जो भी होता, पर सफ़र बहुत अलग था। हमेशा से ज़्यादा लम्बा।

रात के दो बज रहे थे। धुंध के कारण फ़्लाईट तीन घंटे देरी से निकलने वाली थी। और मैं अकेली दिल्ली एयरपोर्ट पर बैठी कभी अपने साथ लाई हुई किताब को पढ़ रही थी तो कभी आस पास के इक्का दुक्का लोगों को ग़ौर से देख रही थी। सोच रही थी कि क्या ये सब भी मन के अथाह वेग को दबाकर बस यूँ ही मुखौटा लगाए हुए थे या किसी के पास इतना समय था कि वह अपने असली स्वरुप का सामना करता और ये देखता कि मिथ्या और दिखावे की पराकाष्ठा के तले उनका अस्तित्व घुट घुट कर मर रहा था। पर शायद मेरी तरह किसी को वहाँ ना तो इतनी फ़ुर्सत थी और न ही कोई ऐसा सोचता।

सभी अपने मोह के संसार को असली समझकर सुखी दिखाई दे रहे थे। मुझसे कुछ दूरी पर एक अधेड़ उम्र के सज्जन गर्म कपड़ों में कैद नींद के झोंकों से जूझ रहे थे। उनसे कुछ और दूरी पर एक नवविवाहित जोड़ा शायद अपनी ही दुनिया में खोया था। अलबत्ता इसमें मैं अपना दोष मान सकती थी कि मैं एक अलग ही दुनिया के विचारों को प्राणवायु दे रही थी, और यही कारण था कि हमेशा की तरह उस रात भी मुझे ख़ुद को याद दिलाना पड़ रहा था कि मैं इसी दुनिया में हूँ, अब भी। जब कहीं कोई तार सुलझता हुआ ना दिखा, तो कुछ देर के लिए आँखें बंद कर लीं।

अचानक ऐसा लगा जैसे किसी ने आवाज़ दी, मेरा नाम लेकर। एक अनजान शहर के अनजान कोने में अपना नाम सुनना अजीब लगा, पर अनसुना न कर सकी। देखा तो मेरे बगल वाली जगह पर एक बुज़ुर्ग महिला थीं। मुझे यह देखकर आश्चर्य हुआ कि उन्होंने गर्म कपड़े नहीं पहने थे। चेहरे पर उम्र का असर तो था पर एक अलग सा तेज उनकी ओर आकर्षित कर रहा था।उन्हें अपनी तरफ देखते हुए देखकर शंका हुई कि वो कोई संदिग्ध व्यक्ति तो नहीं। यूँ भी किस्सों और अख़बारों में बहुत कुछ पढ़ रखा था। पर वे तो मुस्कुरा रही थीं। मैंने भी हल्के से मुस्कुराकर उनका अभिवादन किया। उनके हाथ में एक पेन और कागज़ था पर वे कुछ ढूँढ़ रही थीं।

"क्या मैं तुम्हारी किताब ले सकती हूँ कुछ देर के लिए ?", उन्होंने पूछा।


"जी मैं वैसे भी पढ़ चुकी हूँ, अगर आपको अच्छी लगे तो ", मैंने उनकी ओर किताब बढ़ाते हुए कहा।


" Paulo Coelho, तुम्हारी पीढ़ी के लोग आम तौर पर पढ़ते नहीं दिखते इनकी किताबें ", उन्होंने कहा और किताब को कागज़ के नीचे रखकर उस पर कुछ लिखा। फ़िर किताब मुझे लौटा दी।


"मैं खुद को आसानी से जोड़ लेती हूँ इनकी किताबों से, और मुझे लगता है और भी कई लोग"।


"अक्सर लोग किताबों में अनसुलझे सवालों के जवाब ढूँढ़ते हैं "।


"जी?!", मुझे उनका यह वाक्य डरा गया। एक पल के लिए ऐसा लगा जैसे वे मुझे जानती हों। अगले ही पल खुद को सँभालते हुए मैंने कहा , "शायद हाँ पर मुझे लगता है कि लोग अपने जैसे विचार रखने वालों को जानना चाहते हैं बस या फिर यह देखना चाहते हैं कि उनके विचार और किस दिशा में जा सकते हैं "।

"क्या तुम यह मानती हो कि लोग अपने विचार निष्कपट तरीके से रखते हैं? क्या तुम्हें नहीं लगता कि हर सच्चे विचार के पीछे भी कोई कारण, कोई लोभ, पहचान बनाने की इच्छा, प्रभाव छोड़ना, रिश्ते बनाना … और ना जाने कितने और पहलू छिपे होते हैं, जो शायद हम इसलिए नहीं देखते, क्योंकि कहीं ना कहीं हम भी ऐसा करते हैं?"

मैंने उन्हें ध्यान से देखा। कहने को तो उनकी बात एक कड़वा सच थी पर सच तो थी। पर मैं अपने अंदर उठे अंतर्विरोध को रोक न सकी और बोल पड़ी, "तो क्या आपको लगता है कि दुनिया में मासूमियत और सच्चाई नहीं है? क्या विश्वास नाम की चीज़ इस दुनिया को अलविदा कह चुकी है?"

"मैंने यह तो नहीं कहा कि अच्छाई और सच दुनिया में अब नहीं है। मैं तो सिर्फ़ यह कह रही हूँ कि कहीं ना कहीं हम सब इस का हिस्सा हैं"।

"दरअसल मैं यह मानती हूँ कि हम सब में अच्छाई और बुराई दोनों हैं। हम किसे ख़ुद पर हावी होने देते हैं वो हमें दूसरों से अलग करता है। अच्छे और बुरे दोनों ही तरह के कर्मों का फ़ल सभी को मिलता है। पर हम अविश्वास में तो नहीं जी सकते। वैसे ही इंसान अपने जीवन में इतना परेशान रहता है", मैंने जवाब में कहा।

"तुम यह भी कह रही हो कि जीवन में परेशानियाँ होती हैं और यह भी कि अविश्वास और संदेह में जीवन नहीं गुज़ारा जा सकता। तो क्या तुम यह दिल से कह रही हो?"

मैं चुप रही, उस पल मुझे लगा कि मैं शायद ख़ुद को ही गलत साबित कर रही थी।

वे आगे बोलीं ,"तुम्हारी चुप्पी से मैं यह मान सकती हूँ कि तुम्हें मेरी पहली बात पर विश्वास है। हम सच बोलते समय भी थोड़े से बेईमान होते हैं, इसका यह मतलब तो नहीं कि सच्चाई ख़त्म हो गई है। जैसा कि तुमने कहा अच्छाई और बुराई दोनों रहती हैं दुनिया में, और यह हम पर निर्भर करता है कि हम ख़ुद पर किसे हावी होने देते हैं। तो मतलब साफ़ है हम पवित्र भी हैं और मैले भी। और ये जो द्वंद्व हमारे मन में चलता है, इसका महत्व यही है कि हम सचेत रहें कि हम क्या चुन रहे हैं। कहीं हमारी किसी बात, हमारे किसी निर्णय से किसी का बुरा तो नहीं हो रहा।इसी अंतर्द्वंद्व के साथ अपने अच्छे और बुरे दोनों रूपों को मान लेना यही तो जीवन है। और जीवन को इसी जुनून के साथ जीना चाहिए। ऐसे बहुत कम लोग होते हैं जो इन बातों पर सोचते हैं और जो सोचते हैं, वही भीड़ से अलग होते हैं, वही कुछ करना चाहते हैं। जो लोग आस पास की छोटी छोटी बातों के पीछे का मतलब भी समझते हैं, ऐसे लोग भीड़ में कभी नहीं मिलेंगे तुम्हें। वे गलत होते हुए नहीं देख सकते क्योंकि उन्हें पता है कि उसका परिणाम बुरा होगा। जब वे सही होते हैं तब वे कभी झुकते या टूटते नहीं हैं, पर जब गलत होते हैं तो झुककर न सिर्फ़ अपनी गलतियों को मानते हैं, बल्कि उन्हें सुधारने की, सज़ा भुगतने की, प्रायश्चित करने की हिम्मत भी रखते हैं।"

मैं प्रत्युत्तर में मुस्कुराई, "पर अगर ऐसे लोग इतने संवेदनशील होते हैं तो तकलीफ़ का एक बड़ा हिस्सा भी तो उन्हीं को मिलता है। हम अच्छाई का रास्ता चुनते हैं, कभी किसी का बुरा न होने देते हैं न करते हैं, पर जो बुरा हमारे साथ होता है, जिसके लिए हम कुछ नहीं कर पाते, क्या वह घुटन, वह तड़प, दिल में कहीं एक गाँठ बनकर जीना मुश्किल नहीं कर देती?"

"मुझे ख़ुशी हुई कि तुम अब पूरा सच बोल रही हो जैसा तुम्हें लगता है। हाँ तकलीफ़ का बड़ा हिस्सा फिर हमें मिलता है, लेकिन अब जो तुमने सबसे पहले मुझसे कहा था अच्छाई का रास्ता हम स्वयं चुनते हैं, और यही हमें सबसे अलग बनाता है, हम परिणाम नहीं देखते इसका, यही लड़ाई जो हमारे अंदर चलती है और हमें अपने निर्णय लेने की शक्ति देती है, यही वह है जो हमें हमारे रास्ते पर चलने के लिए प्रेरित करती है। और ऐसे ही लोग कभी अपने रास्ते से पीछे नहीं हटते। इसके लिए बहुत हिम्मत चाहिए और जो ऐसा करते हैं वही तो बहादुर होते हैं। असली वीरता बाहर की लड़ाई जीतने में नहीं, मन के अंदर की लड़ाई जीतने में है। उसे समझने में है, और सच कहूँ तो ऐसा करने वाले विरले ही मिलते हैं। बहुत से तो बीच में ही सही रास्ता छोड़कर आसान वाला चुन लेते हैं। पर ये तो एक तपस्या है, जिसे परिणाम तक पहुँचाने के लिए त्याग, धैर्य, और साहस चाहिए..... "

"पर परिणाम न मिला तो? यदि कोई कारण ही न हो किसी बात के होने का? यदि अंत ही न समझ आए तो?"

"परिणाम न मिले ऐसा तो होता ही नहीं, और इस दुनिया में हर बात, हर चीज़ का कारण होता है। बिना वजह कुछ नहीं होता यहाँ। हमें सिर्फ धैर्य रखना होता है जब तक वो कारण पता चले। कभी न कभी कारण और अंत दोनों समझ में आ जाते हैं -- हर उस बात के लिए जो तुमसे कभी कहीं जुड़ी रही हो। तुम मानती हो ना कि हम सब में दोनों ही तरह के गुण होते हैं, और कर्मों का फ़ल सबको मिलता है। क्या रावण पूरी तरह बुरा था? उसके अच्छे गुणों के कारण वह इतना प्रभावशाली और बुद्धिमान था कि आज भी उसे विद्वानों में गिना जाता है , पर उसे उसके अहंकार और दुष्कर्मों का परिणाम अंततः मिला । और क्या श्रीराम पूरी तरह अच्छे थे? मर्यादापुरुषोत्तम और प्रतापी होने के बाद भी वे सीता पर अपने द्वारा किए गए अन्याय का फ़ल उनसे अलग होने के संताप में भुगतते रहे। क्या वे सुखी थे? पांडवों को भी अपने अन्यायों का परिणाम मिला पर सत्कर्मों का फ़ल भी मिला। क्या द्रौपदी को कौरवों का अपमान करने का फ़ल नहीं मिला और क्या कौरवों को अपनी असहिष्णुता की सज़ा नहीं मिली? विश्वास और समय सब देता है। लेकिन यह सोचकर कि बुरे लोगों को उनके कर्मों का फ़ल मिलता नहीं दिख रहा, तुम अपने सिद्धांतों पर अफ़सोस तो नहीं करोगी।"

मैं उनकी बातों से प्रभावित हुए बिना ना रह सकी।

"जी नहीं, मैं अफ़सोस नहीं करती। ना ही अपने सिद्धांतों पर, ना ही अपने निर्णयों पर। हर गलती से कुछ ना कुछ सीखा ही है मैंने।"

"बेटी यही तो जीवन का मूलमंत्र है। अपने रास्ते पर चलते जाओ, और किसी का बुरा ना करो। समय सबको उनका प्रतिबिम्ब दिखा ही देता है। मूर्खों और पाखण्डियों को देखकर हमें अपने रास्ते पर गर्व करना चाहिए कि हम उनसे कितने अलग हैं। और वैसे भी तुम मुझे हार मानने वालों में से लगती नहीं। अन्यथा इतनी सर्दी में अकेली आधी रात को यहाँ क्या कर रही होती। कुछ इतना ज़रूरी है जिसे तुम टालना नहीं चाहती। पर शायद कोई ऐसा सवाल तुम्हें परेशान कर रहा है जिसका जवाब तुम कभी किताब में तो कभी आस पास ढूँढ़ रही हो, क्योंकि जहाँ तुम जा रही हो, वहाँ तुम जाना नहीं चाहती।"

मैं स्तब्ध रह गई। वे मेरा मन कैसे पढ़ सकती हैं! मेरा चेहरा देखकर उन्होंने कहा,"अब तुम्हारे मन की बात तुमसे बिना पूछे कहने के लिए माफ़ी चाहती हूँ। पर चिंता मत करो, तुम गलत नहीं हो। और जहाँ तुम नहीं जाना चाहती, वहाँ जाने की ज़रूरत नहीं पड़ेगी।"

"वो कैसे?" मैं और कुछ न पूछ सकी। अंतर्यामी लग रहीं थीं वे मुझे।

वे मुस्कुराकर सामने डिस्प्ले बोर्ड की ओर देखकर बोलीं,"कुछ सवालों के जवाब तुम पहले से जानती हो, हमेशा से। उन्हें कहीं ढूँढ़ो मत। वो तुम्हारे अंदर ही हैं, इंतज़ार कर रहे हैं खोजे जाने का, उनसे भागो मत।"

वे उठकर चल दीं।

"पर आप हैं कौन?" मैंने पूछा।

"मेरे चलने का समय हो गया है। ऐसी ही रहना। बहुत अच्छा लगा तुमसे बात करके। जैसा कि मैंने कहा कुछ सवालों के जवाब तुम पहले से जानती हो।"

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'दिल्ली से जाने वाली सभी उड़ानें मौसम ख़राब होने की वजह से आज रद्द कर दी गई हैं । असुविधा के लिए खेद है।'

उद्घोषणा सुनकर मैंने आँखें खोलीं तो समझ में आया कि मेरी फ़्लाईट रद्द हो चुकी थी। मैं मुस्कुरा दी। मुझे उनकी बात याद आई। मैंने आस पास देखा तो वही गिने चुने लोग थे जो मेरी आँखें बंद होने से पहले थे। वे कहीं दिखाई ना दीं। इतनी जल्दी तो कोई गायब भी नहीं हो सकता था। मैंने समझने की कोशिश की कि मेरे साथ क्या हुआ था। थोड़ी देर तक होश में रहने के बाद मैंने सोचा कि यह बातचीत शायद मेरे अंतर्मन में थी। अचंभित महसूस करते हुए मैंने अपनी किताब बैग में रखने के लिए ज्यों ही उठाई, उसके ऊपर रखे गए काग़ज़ पर उकेरे गए शब्दों की छाप मुझे दिखी ---- "प्रतिबिम्ब"।

मैंने तय कर लिया कि मैं वह यात्रा नहीं करना चाहती थी और इसकी ज़रूरत भी नहीं थी। बहुत से सवाल, बहुत से जवाब, और बहुत से द्वंद्व अकेले बस इसी तरह बाकी थे, पर अब मुझे पता था कि मैं क्या करना चाहती थी। सर्द हवा को सुकून से चेहरे पर महसूस करते हुए जब मैं एयरपोर्ट से बाहर निकली तो एक बार फ़िर पीछे मुड़कर देखा, ऐसा लगा जैसे वे मुझे देख सकती थीं। मुझे समझ ना आया कि वे महिला कौन थीं --- मेरी कल्पना, कोई सपना, सच या फ़िर मेरा प्रतिबिम्ब…

The Silver Pendant (A Story)

I can see her walk away from her father and shut the door in distress. She had an argument with her father again. It hasn't been like that always, but there are some aspects of life which are too complicated to understand when one does not know the realities. Yes, realities are too twisted at times and nobody but the one who knows them completely can possess the courage to accept them.

But she does not anything about those realities and I, being the one who has been with her since she was born, know it better that she is unaware of the reasons why her existence is questioned so much. Yet, I support Arindam, her father, because I know that he is not wrong; because I know that he has seen this world, because I know that he wants to protect her. All his life, he has been doing that- trying to protect her from the world.

She has been a darling to Arindam and she loves him back the same way. More than that, she respects him for the efforts that he has put in to raise her alone. She understands that he has not just been a caring and responsible father, but her best friend and guide too; and she has always loved him the most in this world. But...as this but always comes...she does not understand why there is no presence of her mother's memoirs in this house.

She does not get it why her father avoids talking about her mother. She, being a girl, has always craved for the love of her mother, but it seems as if destiny had other plans for her.

Even though her father has never let her feel lonely, she thinks that she can no longer stay unaware of her mother's whereabouts. It has been very often now that she demands the story of her mother from her father and today is one such day. Some times, I wish I could speak so that I would at least help her to get rid of a small portion of the pain that she hides in her heart. But how could I? Only in some fairy tale or in a dream I might get some magical powers to speak and then I could narrate everything that she wants to know. I wish that happens, for it will be another journey for me to explore. As of now, I am a mere silver pendant close to her heart ever since she was born. Even if she thinks of me as a pendant, I have seen her as my only friend always because she gifted to me a world which I love, unlike the world from where I came.

'Vrinda'. Yes, Arindam has given her this beautiful name, which is also a part of his name. He has wanted her to be a part of his existence since the day he found her. It has always seemed to the world that she is a part of his cells too. He had always been lonely. I have been the only one who knows him since he was a child. I was a pendant back then too, but I belonged to somebody else at that time. Yes, I belonged to the warden at the orphanage. I was her only priced possession, which traces back to another story I know, but for now, I belonged to her.

Being an orphan, his life had been full of struggles. He was always surrounded by boys who would find pleasure in stealing money, or some who would invite him to enjoy with momentary pleasures that would ruin his life. But he knew that he would never like to live this way. He knew that he wanted to live like so many other children whom he saw when their parents came to his orphanage to adopt his fellow beings. He wanted to take the best opportunity to stand on his own feet and create a world of his own. He often dreamt of a family of his own. He never wanted to be caged in some unknown house, so he never tried to behave properly when families came to talk to him.

As a result, the orphanage authorities always considered him to be stubborn and seldom payed heed to his cravings for affection. He found his solace of peace only in his 'Warden Aunty'. She would listen to Arindam and understand his dreams. She would encourage him to follow his heart. She would appreciate him for his efforts and would tell him stories that she had heard in her childhood. He did not know who named him Arindam and he would often wonder about it, until his Warden Aunty would call him. Yes, she was not less than a mother for him. He often dreamt of staying with her once he achieved something in his life.

Time is the fastest entity in this universe. It has always been. I saw Arindam growing up as a man with a kind and generous heart, despite his sufferings. I saw him study hard to fulfill his dreams. I saw him cry in despair. I saw him smile when he got his scholarship. I saw him leaving the premises to become a successful doctor. I saw him promising his Warden Aunty to come back one day and take her with him to their own place. And then he left.

His Warden Aunty missed him whenever she looked at children and wanted to see him again. She believed that he would come one day. But she did not know that she would not be there for him when he came. I remember that dreadful night too. When she was alone in her room. It was raining very heavily. All the children were asleep already. The thunderstorm outside the room was scary enough to make anyone stay awake, but none could dare step outside. Yet, a dark figure moved towards her room.

She was about to close the door but the other person was fast enough. And then I saw the lights going out. Next what happened, I could never find words to describe it. All I knew is that I heard her moan in pain. I heard her cry and shout. I heard her struggle with all the might that she had and I heard her give up and surrender in the end, until the beast left her in despair. I saw the lights coming back. I saw the devil. He warned her to remain silent and left.

In a few moments of devilish desires, her dignity was ruined. But this did not end there. He was a regular visitor, who did all that he wanted to with her, whenever he felt like. The person was a known one. He would come as a financer to the orphanage in daylight and as a devil at night. He would be a saint to the world and a nightmare to her. After many days of horrible experiences, she left the place. And nobody knew that she was planning to take a revenge on him by deciding to bring his roots into this world. Yes, she had gained courage to bring his child into the world and show to everybody his real face. All she needed to do was see Arindam, his dear son-like Arindam, as soon as she could.

And he came one day. He came to the orphanage to take her Warden Aunty with him. He was now a successful doctor. He owned a house for the world he wanted to create, of his own. But he did not find her. All that he found was a letter given to him by the watchman, the only thing that his Warden Aunty had left for him. And after he read it, all he wanted to do was to find her. He tried his best to find her wherever he thought she could be, but he couldn't. All his efforts had failed. And he was again left alone in this world. He did not know what to do with his new found world without his Warden Aunty.

But she had to meet him too. Because Arindam was not the only one trying to find her. And that is how it happened. I remember the moment when the devil came to know of her plans to bring his reality to the world and started to look for her to destroy her remains. He found her. But she was lucky enough to escape and reached the orphanage where the watchman told her that Arindam had come and gave her his address. She wanted to reach there as quickly as possible, in her state of pain. She knew that she would not survive. I remember the painful expressions on Arindam's face when he took her to the hospital. I remember the moment when she handed over her daughter in his hands. I remember her last words, "Make her live and one day tell her who she is." I remember the moment when she handed her diary and me to Arindam. And then she left the world. I remember that night when Arindam brought me and this little girl home. I remember how he cried like a child who had just lost his mother. I remember his determination when he looked at the girl and at me.

But that was the last time, I saw him crying until today. Yes, he never cried after that. His whole world was confined to the girl whom he named 'Vrinda', a part of his own existence. She was an angel in his dark life. She was not just his daughter, but his life as well. He could not imagine a day without her. He would never see her in despair. All he wanted was to protect her from the world. He was her best friend, her guide, her only companion. And life was beautiful for them. He never let their dark past cast a shadow upon her existence.

And she grew up into a beautiful, brilliant, decent young lady whom every father would be proud of. She felt blessed that she was Dr. Arindam's daughter. She felt on cloud 9 because her father was the best father anybody could ever have. He never let her feel lonely. I knew that Arindam did not want her to feel like an orphan. He knew the pain. So all she knew was that her mother passed away after giving birth to her. She never asked more. Her father was her biggest asset and she did not want to make him feel sad. There had been times when she wanted to know why they did not have any relatives or why there were no signs of her parents' memoirs together or why there was not a single photograph of her mother. But she let those doubts remain in her heart till she had a reason to find that. She often had the urge to know about her mother, but she did not want to hurt her father. All she knew was that I was her mother's only treasure for her and she preserved me like a star close to her heart.

Time travelled like earlier and she grew up to the day when she decided to find somebody for her and she wanted her father to be happy about it. Arindam met, Krish, the man whom his daughter had chosen. He found him perfect for her and the proceedings for the marriage began. Although, he knew that he would be left alone but he remembered the promise he had made to his Warden Aunty and also his daughter's happiness, he had to choose between the two. He was in a dilemma.

Everything was fine, until Krish's mother insisted upon knowing Vrinda's past, because she knew that Arindam was not married. She questioned and insulted Arindam in front of Vrinda and Krish. He still remained silent and it was then that Vrinda burst out her anger on her father. It was painful to see him being questioned by his own daughter, his darling angel. But what broke her patience was the fact that her marriage was cancelled due to her questioned existence.

"Tell me dad, am I your daughter? What happened to my mother? Did you leave her? Why do I never see anything about her? Do you know that I feel hurt? Am I illegitimate? Tell me! Don't stay silent now!"

But he did not speak up and she left the room in distress. He got up and entered her room. And now I see Vrinda reading the letter he gave to her and her mother's diary. I see her getting everything from the beginning. I see her crying like a small child. I see him consoling her. And I see her apologizing.

"You raised me out of your duty. I am sorry dad! You never had a family because of me. I am so selfish dad. I am sorry that I hurt you. I love you dad!"

All he says is, "I raised you out of love. You are my family Vrinda. I am sorry about your marriage. I will do anything to fix it all."

"No dad, I want to find that devil first. I want to ruin his life. I want to fulfill my mother's desire."

"I know. I have found out about him. He is a famous businessman now. I have the courage to challenge him if you are with me my dear. I just want to protect you."

"I am there dad. I am there always."

I see a ray of light in this darkness spreading across the room, the light for Arindam and Vrinda. The light of his Warden Aunty that would guide them all along.....

                                                  *****************************************************************

I have witnessed the struggles that Arindam and Vrinda faced, the battles that they have fought together, the hopes that they have given to each other, and the courage that they have mustered up to face the devil, to confront him legally. They were noble, they had suffered, they had the will to show his reality to the world. I see the media covering the news about the famous businessman being proved gulity of the Warden's rape after the DNA reports were declared positive. I see Vrinda crying out of happiness for her mother who brought her into this world and for her father who had raised her. I feel proud to be a part of their lives. They have won the biggest battle of their lives.

And she had realized that her father is her only best friend and loves her more than anybody else in the world. I felt proud when she answered Krish today, "The fact that my existence was questioned was enough for you to step back, but the fact that a famous businessman is the one whose blood I share brought you back. I am sorry Krish. I cannot forget that my real father is the one who has given up everything for me in his life. And the ones who do not respect him cannot expect respect from me either. I don't think you are the right one for me. I am sure my father will find my man. Dr. Arindam he is if you can remember."

I see tears in Arindam's eyes which he does not try to hide. I see Vrinda taking me in her hands and looking up to the sky with tears. She walks upto him and I see that they love each other so much that I realize- A Father and a daughter need not share the same DNA to love each other.