"Me" - The Undeniable Entity With An Identity

Looking back, I realize that I've come a long way till here, just like every other person who would have started; and even if I haven't done anything different till now, I know where I stand and I take the pride and responsibility for being who I am today.

The journey, not at all easy, has been one with versatile experiences and it will continue for the rest of my life, but I am contented with what it has brought for me till now. Contented- not just for what it has offered, but for what it has not offered as well, because it helped me to learn, from mistakes and imbibe that spirit within myself to make me who I am today.

There was a time when I was afraid to make the wrong choices, to stand alone, to voice my opinion, to lose the most precious assets to me, to face setbacks, to be judged by the world. But gradually I realized that none of this was important to make me who I want to be.

My wrong choices only taught me what I should not go for, they made me stronger than before, and I got to know myself better. The times when I stood alone for myself, out of the crowd, gave me the blessed opportunity to look into myself and rejoice in my strengths that gave me the courage as well as the confidence to follow my heart, when I wanted to. I realized that it was completely alright to say what I felt in reality rather than beating around the bush.

When I felt as if I'd lost some of my most precious assets, I realized that nothing in this world is going to stay with me forever, except for myself. It is only me who has to pursue this journey, creating different stories and roads at different instances with people/possessions I get. It gave me the confidence to face hardships and let me be true to myself. I learnt that the most important thing to remember was to rely only on myself and believe that I could do all that I wanted to, if I really wanted to do it.

I realized that expressing my genuine opinions and being who I really am might not earn me many people who were always sweet, but it would definitely get me a few those who were true, and that is all that matters. Those who wanted to be with me will always find a way to do so no matter what happens. I realized that standing out of the crowd required courage, to withstand the opposition, to grasp defeats, to be patient with backstabbing, to stay sane and strong when facing immense criticism; because I would have to keep up the faith in myself to be able to wait for my chance silently, prepare for my battles, grab the chance and get my bag of worth.

I realized that the world will always mock at me for walking out of the way because changes are not easily accepted. But I also realized that it was never important to please the world and prove anything to masses who had nothing to do with my life. It is completely my life and I am the sole person responsible and accountable for anything that I do. I need not answer to others, because they were never concerned, just interested; and for them, it might be just another piece of gossip. I realized that I should prioritize time for those who matter, because others who do not respect me, are definitely not worth giving time, to let them peek into my life and analyze who I am. I realized that I need not lose heart if losers who could not get around me try to announce their baseless reasons about me to the world, because they will have nothing better to do.

I realized that I need to take my own decisions and the world will always judge me for that. People who shouldn't be bothered about this will always have something to say about me. But then I need not get affected, because when I break down, none of those people will come to hold me. It will always be myself who will get up, feel sad, learn and then get ready to walk further on the same road with my beliefs. In order to accept myself, I'll have to accept my flaws before I ponder upon them for improvement.

I realized that destiny will not always be generous enough to fulfill my dreams, but if I have the strength to keep going, then this game against mistakes and destiny will seem adventurous to me, and I will never give up, until I challenge it and get what I want. I know that when I look back to the times when I had to face hardships, I will laugh at it, because I will know that I was equally stubborn as my destiny at that time.

I realized that I will have achieved many things which only I would know in reality, and even though my success will be measured on the basis of those achievements, yet, my peaceful contentment and happiness will lie in the emotions that I will have experienced by then and in the love I will have shared with the ones who matter to me, in the emotions I will have expressed, in the risks I would have taken for those I love, in the decisions I would have taken to accept the happiness offered by those who love me, in the blessings I will have offered to those I met, and in the forgiveness I will have granted to those who might have hurt me. I realized that happiness will enlighten my soul with moments of joy, and the bliss of solitude in the wind, in those raindrops or the chill or the calmness of nights and sunrise will touch my soul and seem more rejoicing than the materialistic assets of pleasure in the long run. I have realized that the joy of finding myself when I follow my heart, of finding love, of finding a way closer to life will seem far more ecstatic than joining the crowd.

I realized that in the process of making others happy, I have the right to make myself happy too because no one else was going to do it for me. I found that happiness is an easily available prospect if I really wanted it. I realized that I have to value myself before people learn my worth, or else they were never going to find that. I realized that I have been assigned the most important responsibility for myself- to stand up for myself when the whole world was against me, because nobody else would do it for me and I have the right to do so.

I realized that I am an undeniable, unique, blessed entity who can be defined only by myself. Yes, I realized that nobody else has got the right to set norms for me and decide who I am. Yes, even though I am a part of this society, I realized that in order to live at peace with the most important person- myself(because that is all that matters), I'll have to establish my own norms and live with them. I realized that is fine to be uncertain and scared, and to be optimistic when I feel blue, both at the same time.

Though there could have been many versions of myself, I know how I became this one and how I will become the one many years later. I have realized that I exist on my own and will continue to exist in this cosmos. I am going to be the writer for my story in my way and will figure out or create my own distinct identity as I should. I realized that in order to become ME, I have to be innocent, weird, mature, responsible, childish and crazy for myself, because I am the only one who knows my journey and the only one who has the right to justify it. And somewhere in the middle of this realization, I know that I grew up to be the one who I am today, waiting to explore myself more and more each day.

All Roads Lead To Your Rome...

"Socha to maine kai martaba, yun hota to jaane kya kya hota,

  Khayal ye aaya zehen mein, yun hota to shayad  main na hota."

Each one of us, yes each one, has taken different turns and abandoned many choices to follow the road which we are walking upon now. Apparently, each one of us has also wondered at each point, on each of those roads, whether or not it was the correct one. What more, even if the one we follow now seems good enough, we have the thought at the back of our minds, if this is the one; or what if this is the wrong one again. No matter how certain we are about ourselves, we as humans sustain the fear of the unknown, which owes to the characteristic of a human.

Doesn't it happen that sometimes, when we are consistently trying to find that light out of darkness within ourselves, we wonder if our choices could have been different to lead us to some other version of ourselves? Perhaps, we all daydream at some or the other point in our lives about those 'what ifs?'. In fact, we might even create a whole new prospect of the possible parallel universes we find when following the results of those 'what ifs'.

These 'what ifs' seem to be the culprit of everything that troubles us deep inside our hearts, isn't it? And then we might wonder about an unknown venture of our days to come, concluded from those thoughts, ignoring what we know about ourselves and about our days to come. It is natural to ponder upon our mistakes, past, grievances, glories and get trapped in this maze of 'what ifs'. It is obvious to get baffled and wonder how things could have gone, which road we could have travelled, just because things seem uncertain right now.

But do you know, we often forget the simple fact that we are afraid of the unknown, no matter how gloomy the known might seem. I have realized this at many instances that we unknowingly accept what we have lived. We might wonder about changing what happened, but if we were really given a chance, we would never do so. Yes, we would never go and change the road. Reason: We are uncertain of where it would have led us.

I will tell you exactly as I have experienced this feeling. When you start complaining about how you have become or start feeling low about something, when you get trapped in those possibilities of 'what ifs', remember this. If you don't believe me, just sit for a moment and think about your life. Ask yourself and notice what answer you give.

"Is there anything in life that you regret?" You might say yes.
"Is there anything you want to change, given a chance?" You might say yes and even suggest the changes to yourself.
Now ask yourself, what you could have done if those changes were made. It might take a moment, but you will find that you actually do not want to change anything. Why? Because in your current situation, you know who you are, what you have done, what you can do, what you should do and what you shouldn't. But any other possibility brings an unclear picture to yourself and after a minute of thinking, you realize that the place where you are right now, is the way it should have been, because from here, you will be able to pursue your journey, in your best possible way.

The truth that follows is that none of us really wants to change anything about what happened. Deep inside, we are comfortable with and proud of who we are today, no matter how many mistakes we made. We can justify ourselves for everything that happened on the way, and somehow it gives us the strength to move further on our present road. We will also agree that if it hadn't been for those moments and roads, we wouldn't have become who we are today, and we wouldn't have known our flaws, strengths, possibilities in depth. May be, we wouldn't even have known what to do and what not to do.

In the light of this point, we can finally smile at ourselves and believe that no matter what choices we make, we know better how to reach where we want to go, and we will be there, because no one else knows it better. Of course, making mistakes is a part of learning what we should not do and this knowledge has come from what we have already lived, in the way it was meant to be. Shouldn't we give up regretting what happened, then? It is time to love everything that life has given us and will give us, without complaints.

Once we have found our actual road, we will know that it is the one. At that time, we might not feel scared to leave our comfort zone, step out, face the odds and remove the darkness, even if it takes time for us to see that light; because we will know that the collected cobwebs within ourselves have been finally identified and will take a while to be removed once we have our light. The destined road will eventually be found from the one we walk upon now, because the journey is planned by someone up in another world. So no matter which ones we take, all those roads will lead us to our Rome. Have faith in yourself!