Saturday, 23 May 2015

Unprecedented, Undefined yet Undeniable.. Love..

They say, at some point in your life you will experience a feeling which you have neither experienced before that point nor will you experience after it. There will be a vacant space for that particular feeling, and you will never know about it. You will always feel that you don't have enough words to be able to express this feeling because it is so deep, so vast and resides within you like your soul which cannot be defined in this world--the existence of which expands beyond this life as well. Maybe, someday when you are wise enough, you will realize that you had been blessed to live the most beautiful feeling created by God in this universe. And it might strike you that you never noticed the little aspects about yourself when you felt that way because it was so obvious. Maybe someday when you are thinking something completely out of the context, totally irrelevant, you will find a small detail, a memory, that will bring that buried feeling up and you will feel the same again. You will find who you have become just because you were changed forever inside out, in some way, that will stay with you forever.

You will have the urge to say it but you won't. You will love in the purest and the most divine form which you will explore each day when you fall more in love wherever you remain, no matter how many years have passed by, since you first felt that way. You may not be able to figure out how. You will know that it wouldn't be difficult to speak in any language of the world, yet you wouldn't. Even though, many people would have said it before to husbands, wives, friends, fathers, mothers, children and soul mates. Yet, it will be difficult. Because you would want it to mean something in a way that there are no other words for it that you would find.

You would realize that you've never done it halfheartedly and too often, because you would have loved them for knowing you inside out like nobody else has known before, or at least you would hope that they love you, or could learn to love you, or are beginning to love you. And you would love them for all the ways  they are themselves, for just being them, which might be weird but maybe that's why you will love them. You would love them even when they tear your heart apart, or when they reject you for unknown reasons, or when they make you suffer more and more, or when they are unsure of themselves which makes them put you down. You would love them more and more for everything that they offer you. You wouldn't realize that you love them anyway, and would want them with you, no matter how, when and why, because everything that made you love them would make you want to be with them and that feeling would overpower any other thought. You would just love them, which will make you hope and dream of everything that they have said to you or haven't yet said to you, or fear to acknowledge to you and to themselves. You would find yourself reading their minds even when they refuse to do so.

You will find that you have always loved them, even though they might have walked away because love has many forms which neither you nor they would have known completely when you were together, and you would still want to find out those forms for loving them. You would love them for being with you always, for making you who you are today and when you carry this part of yours in the world, even if they don't remain with you, you'll be carrying a part of them with you inside your existence. You would love them because you have fallen for them every second since you have known them for everything they are and they could be, even when they didn't know themselves, even when they were not aware of their own fears, even when they didn't know how to act, You would love them for everything. You would love them for all that they have been to you and to this world, when you have known them the most, inside out, for their innocence, for the little harmless devil inside them, for their brutality towards you, for their love, or for the angel inside them who chose to bless this world always. You would love them for the miracle they have been to you, which would have changed your existence and removed your sufferings forever. You would love them no matter where you remain, whom you meet and what you do because they are growing inside you each day even if they don't know. You would love them for every little thing you would have talked about together, and whenever you write something no matter how irrelevant, whenever you read something, or whenever you listen to some music that you both would have talked about or visit a place relevant to you, or watch a movie you both would have talked about or meet somebody you both know, or even do something that reminds you of them, you would still love them for the journey you have imagined; for those unexplored ventures and those unseen adventures on roads that you would love to traverse with them as your companion, your best traveller for the warrior who you are now. You would love them for those innocent moments in your memories that you would have lived together and can always look upto each other to live in life, no matter when you two would meet after years.

You would love them during the darkest hours, when it rains hard, when the sun shines too much, when the winter gets too chilly, when the summer doesn't seem to end, through the nights of loss to the mornings of drowsiness, through the moments of being a nobody to the hours of winning the world, through the endless ages you have to live, even if they don't love you back; because you have seen that light of your soul mate in them and you would know it is nobody else. They may never think so but you are still going to love them this way even if you two don't remain together physically. You would love them wherever you remain, even if you both never meet again. You would love them in every moment whether you remain in a crowd basking in your glory or in solitude wondering about your roads. You would love them through days and nights, seasons and weathers, when you watch the world with its lights or people, or when the breeze wavers through your hair, or when the drops touch your soul, You would live them through their blessed presence. You would love them through every wish, every dream, every passion of yours which will remain relevant to them in some way always. You would love them when you travel in this world as who they have made you. You would love them for the innocence in them which didn't allow them to think of living this love, but moved them to carry it as the most beautiful asset of a pure bond called friendship. You are still going to fall for them each moment more and more as you live them and this love that happened to you unknowingly. You are going to love them even if they are not your first love because you would know they had to be your truest and the last one, to be lived forever, because you would know now that they had been sent for you, that they are your soul mate, even if they don't think of falling for you in the same way. And if they ever needed your hand, you would always be there for them in any way they wanted. You would love them not just because you fell for them unknowingly, but also for the human being they are, for the most trustworthy and the best friend you found in life who can never think ill of you and will always be there to hold you, that nobody else would be, even if you are at different places not in touch for long because you have known each other, your secrets, your desires, your stories throughout your lives, your little wishes and every single thing about your being the most, like you wouldn't share with anybody else now. You would love them for making you find your strengths, for making you see your beauty as well as flaws, for protecting you in their divine ways, for caring like only they would do. You would love them for the similarities, coincidences, miracles and blessings between you both which changed you and your life and the way you live completely, which made you take a step inside yourself and into the world for others. You would love them because they gave you your faith back when you needed it the most. You would love them for trusting you when nobody did, when the whole world stood against you, when you were in depths. You would love them for making you believe that you could be a great friend, that you could be a great lover too, that you could stand in the world strongly for your beliefs such that you won't need anybody. You would love them for making you see beyond the world into insights that only both of you will know as secret friends.

And all this would occur to you maybe on a silent evening when you are strolling around, or in the hustle and bustle of your regular life, or maybe when you are just trying to turn the pages with a sense of wisdom, that they touched you like nobody else would. You wouldn’t know if you’ll reach out to them and tell them how you needed them all these years. You would wonder if they will say it back, and to be honest, you wouldn’t know if they even thought about you all this time the way you did. Expecting them to love you just because you do would feel like too much pressure, a little greedy. You wouldn't know where you stand on the track of love being patient and kind type that everyone has been devoted to for so many untold years, but you would want love to be a little bit selfish anyway. You would want them for your own, for you to love. You would want to be the only person who loves them this way. You would dream about everything again and want all of these things with them — but, in the deepest of your heart, you would want them to be happy, even if they’re happier when they’re not loving you, and you'll submit yourself to that risk again.

Love is taking chances, and trusting someone else, and being honest when they know very well that it could shatter you or come up in your face five minutes or seven days or 20 years down the line. You would want to tell them that you love them and they could never say it back, or they could realize that this is going somewhere they don’t want to go, or they want to let you down easily and you just raised the stand, or maybe they love you like a friend and just don’t love you. There are a thousand different things that could happen. There are a thousand different possibilities on the line. Love changes everything.

You could tell them in all the roundabout ways, You could mention it haphazardly, You could say it for the first time when they are sleeping and it doesn’t count because they don’t hear you — but at least the pressure would be off, maybe a little. You could tell them that you love what they write, or how you look when you smile in an innocent or naughty way, or that one thing you do for everybody, or how they share this bond with you, or that you love their secrets, or the way they speak about anything and everything to you, or how they remember the smallest of details about everyone they meet or what they did, or that you love their habits and their opinions even if you don't agree with some of them at times, or that you want to be a part of their existence even if this existence is mortal and by the unsaid extension of all of these things, that you love them.

So you might tell them that you love them, and you are going to find the words (even though you’ve already found them, really) and you’ll be nervous and unsure, and deep down maybe you’d like to hear them back. You’d be lying if you said that wouldn’t be nice. Because if you love someone, you should let them know they say, but I wonder if the people who have said that over the years realized that letting someone know you love them exists in all the spaces between the words, in all the things you do for each other, in all the ways you look at each other and are kind and patient and true, in all the moments when you find yourself thinking about them and hoping that they’re happy, in all the moments when they were not sure if they would be loved back by the same person, or in moments of uncertainties when they did not know whether to wait for that love or to accept that they will never be loved back by the one they love, in those moments when out of a totally irrelevant context and out of nowhere, for no reason but because it is an inseparable part of them, they feel the strongest presence of that love with them, which seems to bloom inside their hearts, as if they parallely live in some isolated world known only to them and that love, like the ones they have shown you, even when they physically exist in a world that is far away from theirs.

You might still love them when you grow old and find them somewhere at the dusk of your lives, thanking them for the way they taught you to find your way on your journey through your strengths. You might love them for being a part of your journey by their abstract presence in your being, for being a friend, a child, a teacher, a blessing, a miracle and every possible form of affection for you. You might love them for those numerous memories and moments of innocent bond that you have shared, for those enchanting mid nights which kept you awake for those beautiful secrets, similarities and coincidences that have been with you ever since you both met, the reasons for which you do not know.

You might tell them that you love them. You know the words, and how to say them, and everything that they mean to you and them. You are going to love them even if they don't love you because you know they are the only one for you. You will realize that the only thing that was left to do, then, was finding your voice. So may be, you will not tell them that you love them. May be, You will live this beautiful world of love within yourself and would love to be with them the way you have been, as a blessing. Because more than love, you are going to live blissfully in the bond that you have shared in this cosmos as the purest, the most innocent,  the most divine and the most beautiful form of any human relationship on this Earth. You might love them even after ages, across many lives because you will be sure you have always loved them in every life of yours. And in some part, they might remember you as a person who happened to be somebody they knew, You are going to love them for that too. And someday may be when you are thinking of all this, they will realize too, that the undefined space that was irreplaceable in their hearts, reserved only for you, but gone unprecedented, was something they had denied to define as love.

 :')


2 comments:

  1. Just have finished reading this and now I am amazed how exactly can someone put into words what exactly I have been trying to write since years and deliberately failing at every attempt. This is exactly I wished how I would write about the unprecedented, indefinable yet the undeniable love, someday.
    The entire write up word by word is written marvelously. Being a writer perhaps you would understand what joy does it brings to you when you come across something like this what that you have always been holding up in your heart and were amenable to it. These excerpts..
    " Even if they don't remain with you, you'll be carrying a part of them with you inside your existence. You would love them because you have fallen for them every second since you have known them "

    "You would love them for the innocence in them which didn't allow them to think of living this love
    You would love them for the similarities, coincidences, miracles and blessings between you both which changed you and your life and the way you live
    You might love them even after ages, across many lives because you will be sure you have always loved them in every life of yours. And in some part, they might remember you as a person who happened to be somebody they knew, You are going to love them for that too. And someday may be when you are thinking of all this, they will realize too, that the undefined space that was irreplaceable in their hearts, reserved only for you, but gone unprecedented, was something they had denied to define as love"

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    Replies
    1. Hey Saurav! What a pleasant surprise! You know I'd really forgotten that you had told me you'd visit my blog, and today when I logged in to browse through some old posts, I saw your comment over here. :)

      Thank you so much that you liked it and could relate it. I'd love to read something written by you as well, and I think you might like the other posts more because this is the only one written about love on my blog. :D

      Take care and God bless you. :)

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